Everything Before

This entry has been pulled from all of the online ramblings I made prior to converting to this mechanic.

It was a single HTML page that I added to over the course of a few years. So here it all is a history of much change.

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Monday
I have a sore head

Kristy – 10.3.08

Wednesday
I have to say that it has been justa little while since I last wrote but I’ve been broken in a few places and one of those areas happened to be this typewriter ribbon mind I have. I’ve fallen prey to Facebook and might happily spend the rest of my days there instead of here if I can’t get a replacement ribbon soon.
So much said and so much not done. I did get out of bed today but only reluctantly.

Kristy – 12.12.07

Monday
So Aidan Jack Napier arrived on Tuesday 24.4.07. It was all a dreadful mixup and the least magical birth in the world. Bruised and battered by the less than skilful doctor charged with taking him out, the poor child I think has still not recovered fully. As for me, I have been in a haze of my own incompetance and possibly a healthy bout of shock. No one can tell you what a second child is like or a third I am sure. No one can tell you how horrible it is to have the flu and have 2 sick children and be unable to care for yourself or for them properly. We really don’t have the words in this language to describe the sensation of your heart being grated into a wet useless mess by the crying.
So how in all the agony do you find joy or a way to climb out of the hole? Where is the hope (that handy hunk of rope) you need to pull through? For me it is like finding strands of hair, holding onto them and slowly (so slowly) weaving them together from scratch in the darkness. I have a wonderful hubby and supportive family and friends all willing, wanting to help but the job is mine. So their words, the clothes dryer we just bought and the bunches of flowers David produced for Kat and I are all going into my rope.

Kristy – 9.07.07

Monday – 23.4.07
OK so today is the day, I’m going into the hospital to have a caesarean and meet our new baby. It is terrifying to do this absolutely awake and aware of the needles and procedures. Last time, it was all a blur.
I am going to write a lot more about how I feel about what I am doing but on the other side of the fence. There is already a great deal of material for and against this approach but always it is good to read the stories of other women so I will add mine to the cauldron.

Friday
I haven’t been having the best pregnancy this time around. It has been great in terms of being busy and months zipping by without notice.. but it has also been more awkward and achy. Like yesterday, throwing up for no good reason, unable to sleep lying down, stiff neck and painful legs, eyes that just want to be shut. No patience or tolerance or eveness of temper. It is a stinky bubbling of frustration.

Kristy – 16.3.07

Tuesday
Hmm where to begin in this new year that it already almost one quarter done? Christmas was a shock! On the Friday before Christmas we exchanged contracts on a house.. on boxing day we went to Coffs for a gorgeous week or being tourists.. then we raced back to try and organise the renting of our unit, the money for our house and all in order to move in by February 10th. It happened thanks to our magnificent all powerful family who came with trailers and trucks to sweat through a weekend alongside removalists and tired grumpy babies and mothers to be. What an amazing time.. how do you go about thanking anyone for that kind of effort? It was an awful time to be pregnant and sick and literally have to sit back and let others work. It was an awful time to sit back and see the volume of things still to be done. How to prioritise amongst work committments and health concerns all the nitty gritty of setting up a house? So much space.. I’d forgotten what it was like to have so much space. Kat has moved out of her cot into her own room with a bed.. we are fighting cockroaches (a previously unknown enemy) and have so far been able to push back their lines. We have grass and a garden filled with mock orange hedges in bloom can you believe that? It is surreal and in the back of my mind I still know we have Beach St so everything is good and tiring. I had to go to Melbourne last week and David is in Perth this week then in a few more weeks he’ll be back over in China and a few weeks after that our next baby is due. I am overwhelmed and overwhelming but I am still here.

Kristy – 27.2.07

Tuesday
I have a cold. I have 20 weeks to go.

Kristy – 05.12.06

Friday of all days
Katarina is not 18kgs – that is a relief. I’ve just returned from her 18mth checkup and this was one positive piece of feedback. She does however have a temper. Today she has been demonstrating her temper for me and anyone else within screaming distance and I am just wondering how terrible the terrible twos can really be. Anyway I am back from Prague and D is back from his trip to Shanghai and we are once again in housebuying mode… but its glorious beachy weather and if Kat hadn’t screamed me into total exhaustion I would be in the water frollicking like a tourist.. oblivious to temperature. But I’m not oblivious to temperment.

Kristy – 24.11.06

Another Wednesday
I’ve read 2 books recently neither of which made me feel terribly good about the state of things.. The first was “the white masai” which while a very addictive story and a massive herald to the strength of some people, it left me feeling weak. The next was “The Zahir” which like all of Paulo Coehlo’s books is full of big thoughts about little things and makes you question the way you are living but doesn’t seem to have a better way.. just different choices.. so many choices. D and I have been away for the long weekend with my family at Glenbawn Dam which isn’t far from Scone (north/west of Newcastle). We sat around a tops campfire ate more cheezels and chips than soft cheeses and pate. We celebrated my grandparents 65th wedding anniversary and suffered Kat’s last few teeth squeezing in amongst the rest. There were many kangaroos and not enough water sports but it was good to be out near the bush and not so good to be bitten by a bull ant. Now its back to a frantic 2 weeks before I leave for Copenhagen and Prague. I have also chopped most of my hair off.. its gone like so many choices made.

Kristy – 4.10.06

Wednesday
So its almost the end of September and I still haven’t taken the recycling down and two weeks is a long stint without an extra pair of hands I can tell you that. I’m terribly tired.

Wednesday
I think the issue comes down to having nothing to contribute. I would say once upon a time.. but even that is probably owned by someone… I did have something to contribute. Now it seems there are a lot of people with real lives, real hobbies, real jobs doing real things and being interesting. Its no longer enough not to care what someone thinks. You have to think. I think I have interesting things to say but they aren’t ongoing. They are a breeze on a blade of grass. Here, then gone is all they are. So I have a few more of these.. and I may as well note them here before they are gone as well. In another week David will be gone again. This time to Amsterdam and for 2 weeks he’ll be there or somewhere else and not here. Then a month later it will be me, in Sweden but mostly Prague. I have a conference in Prague and then to make the trip worthwhile I should go to Sweden and see a bit of IKEA hometown. I won’t have a long time in Prague but I am intent on visiting the Kostnice Church. I forget who told me about it.. but when I started reading I decided I should visit. Most people view it as macabre, for some reason I see it as a true vision of devotion to those gone. Misguided or whatever.. I am not going to judge but I do wonder how it will make me feel. Oh and I have another news but that can wait.

Kristy – 6.09.06

Monday
Did I mention that D was in Las Vegas last week? It was a crazy week. It was great because my parents came down to help out and great because I went out a lot more. I had a Saturday that was pure self-indulgence. Wandering through the wildflower garden at St Ives and visiting Karla to play in the park with Kat. Perfect perfect stress-free perfect. But we missed David so it was good when he came back with all of his unique flair for concerns. On Sunday I went to Bunnings and bought some pots and plants with a birthday voucher I had. I forgot to buy potting mix though. I think I am being very readable today. There is a lot to be done. We can think and think and think about it and let it grow into a horde of knifeytooth monsters but really all this stuff stuff stuff is life. It is a progress in itself and a path and a whole going-through-ness that we do and at the end of the book.. this is another life.

Kristy – 21.8.06

Thursday
Years pass when you aren’t looking? Stand up and look will you! Look what has happened and all that has happened and long gone and now. Down with the flower and silver forks too. Up with the wrinkles and grey hair too and soon everything is a thought you had 10 years ago, still having.. will have long gone and now. How can you rewind when you move so fast? How can you greet each morning those ideas of the past? Blind to the ocean and blind to the sound of everything else but there, then and now down down.

Chooselday
What a completely unproductive day I’m having.. oh only about 3hours of Flash down the drain thanks to me me me. And I’m clockwatching because there are never enough hours in the days.. particularly those days when Kat is away and I have so much opportunity to be productive. Someone called.. hey Kristy what’s it like at the beach today?.. hey man.. have no idea.. hang on just get up from my desk..sad sad sad true.
Now I must tell you about Shanghai.. it was really involved IKEAnessness but Karla came along too so that was good fun. We swam in the hotel pool ever so briefly.. and paid too much for dumplings at every opportunity. David survived katcity. I wonder if the real catcity still exists… or whether all the cats have moved on. Hmm. See now I’m just cranky and pitiful and babbling.. the perfect way to be online. All too sexy and streamlined otherwise. My brain may never be the same but the day my feet no longer fit the boots its all over red rover.

Kristy – 04.07.06

Monday
I am still using bold tags.. some1 should shoot me. Its laziness I guess. But you don’t understand why I start my sentence with a but, why I use bold tags, why I’ve spent all day with cold feet when my sock drawer is like 5 metres away. You want to make a judgement, in fact you have, I have.. its all done. Now so littl has happened that I am struggling to justify why it is so stressful. We didn’t sell our unit at auction. This came down to the fact that it would be dumb to sell something that will appreciate in value simply because we don’t want to get more organised… that we are lazy.. or whatever you decided.
What else? Kat turned 1. She is so big and so beautiful. She eats lamb cutlets and walks and draws on the walls. She says “mum” when she hurts and “dad” when she wants to be thrown up in the air.
And now I’m going to China.. well if I can get my visa organised and Karla is coming too and Kat will be at home with David. I am trying so hard to be productive but there is just a mountain.. and I’m climbing so very slowly.

Kristy – 22.05.06

Wednesday
I hate dentists. I went to the dentist very early this morning and I didn’t enjoy it one little bit. So I’ve been reading over some old prose and poetry I foundand that makes me feel better.. cos man some of that is really dark. And on the upside some of it was really awful. This is pleasing because I’d hate to think I was a moody talented writer and am now a web-hack. For such a long time we can hold onto what was and ignore what it is. I’ll vote yes to that. I have also finished reading the first Barry Humphries autobiography and relish the notion that stuff just happens regardless of what we think of ourselves. I am not convinced the notion is related to the book but I had to work it in somehow. Latest concerns in no order:

  • IKEA should really give a 100 houses in QLD new furniture.
  • My sentences are getting too long.
  • Kats coughing
  • I need to cut, dye or otherwise modify my hair so Kat doesn’t want to eat it
  • I want to sell the unit so I can go to Hamilton Island with the 0 days annual leave I have accrued.
  • Does RSI start with a dull aching in your mousewrist?

By the way.. in the course of trying to explore new worlds I have accumulated the following websites:
http://kristydarby.blogspot.com/
http://spaces.msn.com/kaitlyndrew/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kristydarby/
BUT on the other side of the pizza.. Optus are closing down my email and webspace account with them. I think its been like 3 years since I worked there.. so that’s fair enough.

Kristy – 29.03.06

Friday
Childrearing brings with it all kinds of germs and bugs and I’m a sorry mother with one bout of flu followed by another and another. I am under attack. D is suffering no less. Anyway I didn’t SSH in to whinge. As a matter of fact I have praise for Hip Young Parent radio which has changed my work from chaos to harmony. Kat dances around the office on those podgy legs of hers. I might say she is sometimes only supported by a soggy triangle of vegemite toast and I don’t have to tolerate constant replays of barney, wiggles or brain-numbing jingles. This is alternative music – babystyle. I had to give it a chance though.. I found out 10minutes too late that they do cycle “themes” and its a sorry parent who logs in during rodeo hour.. but other than that I am full of good things to say.

Kristy – 24.03.06

Monday
Great news.. I am working from home for another 6 months which means I don’t have to waste 3-4 hours PER DAY in Sydney traffic. I hate traffic. I love driving but I hate driving in traffic where your choice of radio stations does push you to want to listen to metallica cds. Soon.. very soon.. we will be streaming netradio into our cars and then, then I might consider the bumper to bumper 4 hour dance.
Until then.. here I am, trying to get a calendar application to work. I also hate maths and calendars are full of them. So while my phone syncs beautifully with my calendar what can I do for everyone else? Its a work in progress.
News.. my cousin had a baby boy.. YAY. Boy babies are great I think because you can say “your little man” which is soo much cooler than “your little lady”. Umm what else? We haven’t sold our unit yet but that’s just because we haven’t found our house yet. Oh and there it goes.. my day I mean.. slipping away.

Kristy – 27.02.06

Monday
Did I mention that I got married? Yeah I did. I was reminded of it on the weekend cos I went to my cousins wedding and thought “hey yeah I did that”. Seriously we haven’t really behaved any differently since getting married. Although I did bake cookies for D on Valentines Day which was a terribly wifey thing to do. To his credit he ordered me a geeky t-shirt and loads of chocolate insert picture of shirt here. It is so cute its cool and I don’t care what the tired hoardes of nerdom think.
We are still house hunting. We haven’t found anything that hangs nicely from ourshoulders yet but we’ll keep looking. Someone will get the banks money and everything will be ok. We are getting ready to compromise location for a pool and a pool table. What do you think? Is it the end?

Kristy – 20.02.06

Sunday
So long so long so long and thanks for all the vegemite. If I got things right then I think what I have to say would be funny..but more often than ever these days my comments aren’t that great because there is always someone around who does know the context or the correct quote or the right answer. Do I have to learn more? I’m tired just let it all tumble over and over. How long can a sentence be before it is no longer a sentence but just a well used string of nonsense? We are in rut city.. waiting for our unit to sell and for our dreamhouse to appear. Our saturdays are drawnout marches through house infested fogs. Speaking of fogs.. I’m really anti-horror flicks at the moment.

Kristy – 5.02.06

Thursday
The party at our place didn’t happen cos the body corp decided to fix bricks insead. Fascinating stuff. Anyway Australia Day it is. In the meantime can I say that writing is fast becoming a difficult way to pass time. Everything I have goes to Katarina without a second thought. It isn’t that I am one of those doting gushing mother types its just that every second that I am not working I am tied up with her. And I am still working.. it isn’t easy. Oh and the latest news is that we’ve decided to sell our unit and buy a house. Its all happening very soon too. Its Christmas you see.. so the 3 wisemen are somewhere else at the moment.
Just what a year it has been! I think I am still in shock. From the arrival of Katarina, Zac and Kira to wedding to big european honeymoon and finally to C&T CONGRATULARIONS ON BABY HUNTER ROSS BURGESS! YAY! to selling our unit and the big IKEA higherlower competition. Where is there time for breathing in all of this?? Anyway as I don’t get out much.. wishing you all a very happy christmas and a frivolous new year!

Kristy – 22.12.05

Wednesday
Oh hey.. if you want the gallery address for our wedding photos you have to ask for it, from David or I because we don’t want people to download pics of our heads and photoshop them onto gorillas and elephants bodies without telling us first. PS Party at our place on December 17th.. can you make it?

Kristy – 30.11.05

Sunday
Post WEDDING Post HONEYMOON Post POST
Can you believe it? Babies, weddings, honeymoonses all in one year. And we are done? Not quite still waiting on Chelle. My brother and Kim welcomed Kira to the world too all before the wedding and can you believe that it all happened so quickly? Now its basically December and amongst all the boxes I have to find the christmas decorations… oh and my work laptop. For now, stay posted as I will be uploading the wedding and honeymoon pics very very soon to our gallery.

Kristy – 27.11.05

Wed-nes-day
This journal file is only about 100KB in size.. but it dates back to 2002. Its nice to know three years doesn’t take up much space at all. Or is it just that I don’t feel the need to Microsoft Word my life or data-design or stylise everything. In this case it is a good thing, in the case of the wedding, not so. I’m struggling for coherency. I don’t have matching cake bags.. actually I don’t have cake bags or bonboniere or even a glass slipper. I’m pretty pleased with how the bridesmaids dresses are turning out and we found the best shoes to go with them but that’s all I can rally as far as enthusiasm. I keep getting snared on my lack of ability. Not to get too further into my self-indulgent self-pity but perhaps that is the real reason for the petty journal, I don’t have the capacity for anything more. Juniper is eating our office blinds in disdain. He hasn’t come to terms yet with Kat. Oh I managed to put a few more photos on Bebo the other day. I would’ve put them somewhere publicly accessible, hmm like this website.. or like a funky webgallery of some kind.. but I didn’t.

Kristy – 5.10.05

Saturday
I have an entire hard drive of work to get through and a baby to play with and a wedding to plan and I am guessing that if someone asked me to help them run a restaurant on George St I’d say “um, yeah ok”. So what’s your definition of stupidity? This brings me to a note about the wedding, its in a small fancy cottage restaurant on the beach at Harbord, so that kind of limits our numbers a bit. Which is probably why if you haven’t got an invitation yet, it isn’t because we don’t like you (we like everyone except that guy who hosts Deal or No Deal and the entire cast of Home and Away). Its more likely that when all the family boxes were ticked there were only a few boxes left for close friends. But never fear.. you can send your tirade or congratulations to Peter Johnson who is David’s best man and has also been charged with collecting any telegrams/emails. His email address is peter @ thejohnsons dot com dot au. Do you know I don’t keep any stats on this site? I dont’ know if I’m talking to myself or if I have regular visitors.. do you know how good this is? I live in a whirlwind of measuring site visitation and demographics.. and my own site I am just switching off. I write down probably important things from time to time on this site that possibly no-one, not even D visits. In the end I am writing a new definition of stupidity regardless of what you think.

Kristy – 24.09.05

Tuesday
There is just way too much going on…

Friday
You know how Gwenyth gets to have 2 lives in Sliding Doors and the other one, the Australian version, Me Myself and I? Well I am coming to believe that there is another me out there.. someone with a real voice that IS heard. Someone who addresses thin white ghosts of the past and says what she wants without inflicting pain, without hurting them at all. And ghosts or other similar creatures can actually live around her.. she doesn’t grow so fat when they are near that they are pushed away by her bulk. That other me is out there somewhere, still pursuing dreams that I’ve neatly tied in a bundle and put in a camphor wood chest.

Kristy – 15.07.05

Thursday
nymaflowersWhat brilliant things can happen on such boring days! Its cold, a lighter shade of black and katarina has been acting like a bear woken from hibernation. All of this aside, today marked 6 weeks since she was born and my final visit to the obstetrician. And some tomato soup. I celebrated with tomato soup, Kat has been celebrating with long serenades of farting. Oh and I got some beautiful flowers from David which were not anticipated. Those kinds of things make any day bright.I was going to jump into an analysis of flowers and other soft tokens but bears do call.

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY PETE

Kristy – 23.06.05

Wednesday
This would be so much easier if I gave into blogging software. I just can’t do it. Its really really blue outside today, which has the effect of making Kat’s eyes look greener. So enough about the baby that consumes my every thought. I’m concerned about my West Wing addiction. It’s true that it stimulates some part of my brain.. but I’m not sure how different it is to the house wife soapies of 4pm. They do tend to repeat a lot of sentences just for the hell of it. I watched the first and half of the second season on tv then Channel Number Moron moved it to 11pm or something ridiculous. So David has been buying me the box sets and I am working my way through them. Each episode is about 45minutes which is perfect for feeding times. I am horrified to think that evenutally there will be no more episodes and I will have to concentrate on what I am doing instead of zoning out to the melodrama of some other country’s politics. I’m concerned about my language and my hair and our bird Juniper. Funny how my concerns only really surface when the baby is asleep. *sigh* what next?

Kristy – 15.06.05

Wednesday
I don’t know what day it is really. I know Kat is 4 weeks old today. I know I have 4 feed jars sterilising. I know I have 4 months to organise a wedding. I know there are 4 people I have to call cos I’ve been a complete 4 eyed zombie for the last 4 days. I know I’ll be back at work within 4 weeks, working from home 4 days a week. I know I have 4 loads of washing that I don’t want to do and 400 emails that I just want to delete.
Overall I think its good that I can still count.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY KARLA!

Kristy – 08.06.05

Monday
It feels like a Monday.. back in front of the computer after a night of routine feeding etc. Having said that Kat isn’t happy that I’ve fed her and left. I think she would like to be here as well.. I just can’t type fast enough with one hand.. I can’t do it.. I’m a failure. Had a little outing on the weekend to the shops and didn’t pass out which is a sign that things are getting better. Understand new meaning of exhaustion and am grateful for the flu that has plagued me since leaving hospital because I can’t smell Kat’s dirty nappies which David tells me are so stinky.
Visiting hours.. best to come in the morning.. by afternoon kat and i are both grumpy and tired and emotional. You would spend the aftenoon staring at the ceiling in an embarrassed hummy state while I bawl my eyes out. Funny expression really because I can cry and cry but my eyes never really fall out. Eventually the eyelids close and the eyes are secured in place while I sleep. Man I am just talking baby cos that’s all I know right now but I think my brain is coming back. I thank God for the blessing of multi-tasking returned to me :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZIGGY!

Kristy – 30.05.05

Tuesday
Back. Well kind of. I think half of me is back and the other half now belongs to Katarina Elyse Napier our beautiful big baby girl born 11.05.05 at 12.02am.. although that time was definitely up for argument. If they had called the date of birth as the 10th then I would’ve spent one day less in the hospital. It all has to do with what the classify as “Day Zero”. Anyway I am home now.. but it isn’t like our home used to be.. there is a creature living with us! We have soo many pictures and sooo many thank yous to say. I really will need to build a websitebut I’m just too tired right now. I get about 2-3 hours to myself in the morning then its either feeding Kat, changing Kat or sleeping myself in preparation for the night. It doesn’t help that we both have colds.
Plus, Tracey and Glen had Zac Fraser Darby.. for a boy he is a whole kilo lighter than Kat. He arrived at 10.10pm on Sat 21st May. So finally Trogdor and Snap are breathing air and looking fine. I think Tracey had a really good labour experience. Mine was more of a learning experience.. with everything that I didn’t want to happen, happening. More of that some other time. I just wanted to say that I’m still here grasping at the frayed edges of sanity that do somehow exist in my electronic world. Hope to hear from you all soon!

p.s. David bought me Neverending Story box set last week. Maybe he has been reading my website? Maybe he just figured that if I was going to be a big bawling mess of baby blues I could at least pretend I was crying at the movie hehe :)

Kristy – 24.05.05

Monday
So today tonight is the day kind of.. going into hospital around 8 this evening so hopefully Trogdor will arrive sometime in the next 24hours. Are you excited? There is a whole lot of pain between now and then however and I’m not sure how I feel exactly. I’ve got some final bits and pieces to finish off this morning for work and then I think I’m going to watch Never Ending Story.. hmm damn don’t have that on DVD yet. Well my VCR needs a work out. What a life!
Can I tell you that Curl Curl is so beautiful this morning.. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else right now.

Kristy – 09.05.05

Thursday
Its not like an overdue dvd.. you don’t get a fine or any extra time with your movie or choice. Its awful.. and so much for science.. and internal examinations rae not fun.. whoever said any examination was fun? But this whole day has been particularly painful. At least we have a date.. 10/05/05.. next Tuesday. Please don’t call me as I’ll be in labour. Well that is according to science and chemicals and people in white coats.

Kristy – 05.05.05

Thursday
No baby. I mean she is well and truly on her way and the doctor has placed bets on what day he thinks she will arrive but he didn’t bet on today. She is due on Monday 2nd May.. 4 days from now.. but something like 3% of babies are born on their due date.. 97% aren’t.. well that’s reassurring isn’t it? I’m tired and grumpy and generally annoyed at everything so its not worthwhile calling me because I’ll just complain and cry and talk about chocolate caramel slices. This is so much worse than waiting for someone to arrive as a guest at a party or waiting for a shipment of geek stuff from the US or waiting for the pin to drop. It is worse than all of that and nothing works properly in my head. Glen sent me a game to distract me.. and I got out of the room.. what’s worse is that I emailed the game creator to add me to the list of people who got out of the room because that’s how frustrated and bored I am. Crimson Room Game thingy.

Kristy – 28.04.05

Tuesday
No the baby hasn’t arrived yet. Have had some terrifying moments of almost believeing she was on her way.. but am now back in the waiting game. Mum has moved in making life a lot easier and I think she and David are having a cooking war because I’ve been eating very well! Going to see the doctor again on Thursday and will probably pick a date to have the baby induced because it is all getting a bit much. I want to say nice uplifting things about pregnancy but I swear this last few weeks have been dreadful. Good news.. we have a cot.. and we have new windows and we have curtains.. although the curtains in our bedroom are rather pagan and D has given in to them out of sympathy for me I think. It’s all normal apparently.. normal boring normal.

Kristy – 26.04.05

Wednesday
After a small bout of labour consisting of around 45minutes of embarrassed grossness at work and 3 hours of contractions at David’s parents place I have opted to commence working from home. Problem is I haven’t got a laptop, but work has promised to send to me which is good cos there is no way I am hopping in my car. I only just fit behind the wheel as it is.. do you want to see?. Anyway there is still stacks to be done but the good news is that we have ordered a cot. We’ve also attended nappy school and learnt all about lack of sleep. I have a great picture of David breastfeeding but I can’t upload it cos I’m missing a cable for my phone.. lucky him! I was proud to be the most due mother to be in the class but it also freaked me out. Four weeks guys and then we have to have this new person in our lives. If I become one of those annoying people that only talk about their kid let me know.

Kristy – 6.04.05

Saturday
Working working working.. and not much time spare for anything else. I’m grateful I don’t have a career as something that requires me to be on my feet all thetime cos that would be just too hard. Anyway, news of the week.. Trogdor is fine.. BP is fine.. Easter is fine.. but I really don’t want to go anywhere. Its hard for part of me to understand.. but some basic instinct is making me just want to stay at home. Getting in the car is a massive effort. I figure women who worked in the fields didn’t have this problem.. they didn’t have cars.. once their backs were bent, they stayed that way until it was “quittin time”. *shrug* so I am housebound and just a tad stressed cos I have work to do and a house to clean and everywhere I look is something that I should attend to.. but I can’t find motivation. I finally read The Bell Jar only because it was on special and I had gotten to the point where I was reading Choose Your Own Adventure

Kristy – 26.03.05

Sunday
Eventually I will correlate the days of the weeks with the stuff I write about, but by then I will have 3 kids a career on autopilot and a maid. I’m recovering from “Birth and Labour” workshop yesterday. It was intensely boring. 11 couples walk into this big room and there are beanbags on mats and a single chair. EVERY woman WITHOUT exception stares in disdain at the beanbag and says to her partner “am I supposed to sit on that?”
The tour of the labour ward was good though but I was suprised to find that the delivery suite is quite small, guess I won’t be able to have my cast of thousands with me after all. Biggest concern is the BP of course.. they pretty much guarantee a caesar salad if it goes up. Staring nervously at my puffy hands through my headache with spotty eyes I wonder if the obstetrician is going to run in and cart me from the beanbag there and then.
Then there was xbox. I think that finished around 3.30 or 4 this morning. GK brought a projector over so that was pretty awesome. I’m sure we’ve annoyed the crap out of our neighbours now. I’m pretty tired today.

Kristy – 13.03.05

Friday
Guess what? David’s head and Geoff’s arm are FAMOUS! That’s right they appeared on My Restaurant Rules last night.. we’d gone down to Pink Salt at Manly on Saturday and snagged a table next to some famous couple and were ceremoniously chopped out of the footage and most of the audio.. though if you listen very carefully you might hear David tlaking about something technical.
Oh what else? I need some chocolate mud cake.. no I NEED it! With icy cold vanilla icecream.. and I need it now.. with some mineral water and lot’s of ice. Baby Trogdor is doing fine and apparently is only a little quiet because of my cold.. so bring on that cake..

Kristy – 11.03.05

Thursday
I’ve stopped listening to the 8 mile soundtrack. Yes I know that link goes to the wrong place.. but I like that website better. Anyway, anything was better than mundane radio. I used to like Merrick and Rosso but I can’t listen to a whole morning show, they are just too repetitive. I hear the same story reiterated or “coming up next” said so many times about a particular story that I get frustrated and cry. Why can’t they just write good content? Now I only listen to them to hear the occasional IKEA regerence. I haven’t found any better radio stations either.. so it is back to CDs. D has been buying a lot on ebay recently and ripping them all for our listening pleasure. Recent: Disintegration (Cure) and the Tank Girl soundtrack. Our baby is going to be a little strange.
I have a lot of new work coming in.. not sure how to cope exactly. Anyone interested in subcontracting? Send me an email if you are. I’m just dazed and poked.

Kristy – 3.03.05

Sunday
I must be losing my mind. I nearly >very nearly< installed some php blogging software. It must be the dlierium of the weekend getting to me.. or our so hot office, or the fact that I am going insane at ikea. I don’t know but I am saved at the last minute by sore ribs and an inability to remember my pscp commands.
The weekend was too much for me. I failed. I fell down. Lost my will and completely crumpled. Mum had to drive me home on Saturday evening cos I couldn’t even work out how to put the car in gear. Having friends adn family all show up and bring so much good wishes and having such a good time with the girls in the morning, and such a grand time at dinner on Friday night I guess while fantastic was just too bloody tiring. I have extraordinarily flabby arms. D&I have been arguing about Darth Vadar and pizza generally. I’ve missed my restaurant rules.. and shoudl be doing some work on the business but it is so hot in here that my brain is cooking.
After a weekend of visitors.. I’m lonely again.. and I can cheer myself up by thinking of some of the truly cool baby things we have now but I don’t want to turn into one of those mothers who lives through her kids. I’m going to start dreaming about my massage and pedicure on Wednesday.. I know it isn’t very “me” but seeing my feet these days is too hard.

Kristy – 27.02.05

Tuesday
I am only updated to stop myself eating the entire pot worth of gooey dinner I have made.. it tastes good and what is of more concern is that I am not quite sure I remember what I put in it. Not a lot has happened this week, other than dealing with rib pain.. we’re blaming adam! Oh D&I made our first and possibly last trip to IKEA Homebush Bay Drive it is just too far.. although I could spend a great deal of money on rugs and blankets and things there. We bought some cd racks to help us organise our collection a bit better. I put them together.. and unlike that Internet piece of spam.. it was never a prerequisite to getting a job.. but I found it suprisingly easy. But then I find most things that require concentration easy to deal with at the moment.
Baby shower.. yes its on Saturday. Have u told me or my parents that you are coming along? I don’t know much about it.. but I have to find something to wear. Oh and latest latest news.. my other brother Jeff and his wife Kim have announced that Trogdor and Snap will be getting another cousin in October this year. So the darby siblings are all sprouting new shoots.. scary 2005. Anyway I don’t have any more news and I need a nap.

Kristy – 22.02.05

Thursday
And our old friend costochondritis has reared its ugly head. Of course.. did I honestly expect to zoom through pregnancy without any ghosts of pains gone by? Perhaps. I’ve raised the issue of the bifid rib.. but there seems no connection between it and the costochonditis.. “you’ve injured yourself doing something”.. clearly explaining that I am a desk bound computer nerd wannabe isn’t enough.. “no, you’ve definitely done something to yourself”.. well perhaps its these ginormous breasts then doctor?? “now we can’t give you any drugs….why don’t you go and have a nice lie down.. oh and promise not to do anything, anything at all that exacerbates it.. that will just mean it takes longer to heal”.. fantastic.. so I guess I should just stop breathing then?? I hate going to doctors.. rush you in and rush you out and still manage to make you feel sorry for wasting their time. I’m miserable and breathing is like a knife in the chest.. this was hard enough without a 1kilo baby on board.

Kristy – 17.02.05

Sunday
I have forgotten how to write HTML. Shame on me. Then again.. I did go for a swim at the beach this morning and slept most of the rest of the day. Pretty cool way to spend a Sunday I think. Stuff.. what has been happening? Symphony in the domain, working from home for 6 months has been approved, baby shower is scheduled in for 26th Feb.. if you haven’t got an invite and want to come along its onlyy cos I don’t have your email address.. so you better email me. Actually my Mum is doing all the planning.. which is quite nice. I will just sit back and eat some cake. Not sleeping much.. kind of lonely experience being pregnant.. can’t go out drinking, spend most of my time sleeping or in pain.. puff up like some deadly fish in hot weather and would lose to a snail in a 500mtr marathon.
The thing is.. people say I am glowing.. or I have the pregnancy glow.. I insist that caffeine addicts often appear to glow as well.. doesn’t mean they feel good in themselves or are ready to operate heavy machinary. Everyone is moving so quickly.. having so much fun.. and its my bedtime and I wanna stay up and play.

Kristy – 6.02.05

Tuesday
I’m thinking of putting my ribs on ebay. I am sure they will fetch more now then they will a month from now.. they ache. Hey I decided to take a photo of trogdor and me now that we have officially become a walking stomach. I’ll upload it as soon as I can remember the commands for that. Plus who reads this rant stuff anyway? And it isn’t a blog Kellie.. a blog gives other people the change to write back.. well not in my kingdom. Which means people have to come right up to my face and tell me my poetry sucketh muchly.. or that I should stop playing god with paragraph tags and stolen HTML code. Speaking of code.. I’m writing quite a few little apps for IKEA.. that’s fun. Haven’t done that sort of stuff in like 6 years so its weird. Climb as high as you have energy for..jump off and not suprisingly you land somewhere familiar (perhaps with a few broken ribs).

If you are brave here is the picture of Trogdor and I

Kristy – 18.1.05

Wednesday
I have to say this.. I have to record it.. because if I don’t I’ll forget. Its not like a letter I can cover in clear contact and keep hidden away for years. Itis an email which can be forged and forgotten quicker than a baby’s kick in your stomach.
“Intelligent people get depressed, stupid people are happy. Healthy people are dumb. According to my theory we are both on the path to happiness so we shouldn’t complain. We will be mindless zombies in bliss.”
It can’t be true.. but then it is, for just this moment in time. And as I wonder whether I will ever wonder again, time has trickled away and my mind is dry again.

Kristy – 12.01.05

Tuesday
Do u remember that Simpsons episode where Homer’s brother invents a baby translator I am thinking of inventing a tummy translator.. something that can turn the gurgles and kicks of pre-baby language into actual things I can do something about.For instance.. I thought it was chocolate that was causing young Trogdor to trampoline on my bladder.. but I got the same reaction to a peach.. so perhaps its sugar? Lets eat a teaspoon of pure sugar and find out.. nope that’s perfectly fine. I can’t take these embarrassing experiements for much longer.
Oh by the way Happy New Year! Did you spend it drinking German beers at Lowenbrau? Clearly not or we would’ve seen you there. Or maybe not, after all David did take out the stein drinking competition. Leaping into the throng to watch the midnight fireworks was probably not so smart. But I saw them, wich I’d had a camera.. would’ve got this amazing profile of Karla with the sky lit up behind her. Plus could’ve taken pictures of the police escort of our ferry out of the harbour. All good memories now.
Haven’t written for a while but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about it every day. I’m stranded on a non-tech planet and I just wanna go home or build a whole new world.

Kristy – 10.01.05

Wedensday
I got flustered that was the problem. Suddenly there was a police car in my rearvision mirror and I’d vagued out and had no idea where I was or what speed I had/was going. Somewhere near a school.. not a good sign, slow down. So I forgot all about the vegetables I wanted to buy and concentrated my 40kph way back home today. So now I am stuck here.. with no vegetables. Its close to disaster. I can’t go out either because there is a cabinet in the garage taking up too much room and backing into my garage is hard enough. STUCK
So today was final ultrasound day and we decided a suprise was still a suprise no matter when you get it (this was advice of course). And we happened to have the most loveless woman on the planet doing the ultrasound. Not only did she not talk us through it, but flat-out made no detailed investigation into the gender. “I can’t see anything” “of course not you aren;t very good at using the machine”. So we are having an anything. Ultrasound Monster Woman concluded Trogdor is probably a girl because she couldn’t see any gender because the legs of the baby were closed. Brilliance! *sigh* we have a dvd of the entire episode of black & white fuzz that I will probably upload when I find out where I tidied my dvd drive decoders to! Karla and I got sedated on luscious european pastries in gordon and I tried to forget about it.
Really quite irritated about lack of vegetables. Do you think I could order a pizza and get the delivery guy to go to woolworths and pick some up for me???

Kristy – 8.12.04

Tuesday
So much has happened that I haven’t written about because I talk more these days.. write less talk more.. I’ve organised my wardrobe into IKEA boxes and my journals have all been packed away.
The big news is of course David & I are now engaged.. we were always planning to be engaged at some point..now is that point I guess. The other news is I am getting bigger.. my stomach is bigger than my breasts and I’ve just about lost the dip that was my belly button. Its awfully weird stuff. Not feeling sick anymore, just a tad grumpy..nails are doing nicely though!
I’ve been up and down the coast a few times, Nan’s 80th in coffs and then up to brisbane to train some internet ppl. Then there was the trip to monkey mia which I will write about at some point (but not at this point). I really miss this computer cos the machine I have at work.. could be so much more and just isn’t. I might start a baby website and a wedding website.. then again I have plenty of websites to take care of and I am doing a pretty poor job. I really need to stop being suck a lamer hack.

Kristy – 23rd November 2004

Wednesday
Stupidly hot.. headachy hot.. stay-puff-marshmallow-hot.. not good, really really not good 38degrees or something.. very very bad and sick and bad..

Kristy On Fire – 13.10.04

GUESS WHAT!!!
While I was busy having my ultrasound on Thursday, Trogdor’s cousin was ALSO being poked about. That’s right, Glen & Tracey are also having a weird fingerprint like creature and the best bit is that their baby is due a teeny tiny 3 weeks after ours.. and because Trog’s home is just so comfortable, he/she may not decide to vacate until their cousin does likewise!
SNAP So meet SNAP, TROGDOR’s cousin to be!! He/she is clearly a handsome fingerprint although we’ll all have to wait til the next ultrasound to see if Snap has the champion swimming feet of the Trog :) heheh
Anyway I’m all excited cos I’ll have someone to whinge to who will cry at proably all the same things as me.. although it is getting beyond a joke when I’m crying at Sydney Weekender because they are playing the neverending story them song!Grrrr. This week I hate chicken, and in 2 weeks, David and I are often on our holiday.. let’s hope it isn’t to a place where all they serve is chicken.
Oh its election day today, did you remember to vote? We did which is good cos we didn’t last time and I’m sure the government is still tryin got track us down to fine us for it *sigh*. I’m going to eat some more now and watch tv and be happy that I’m not the only person who can’t drink for the next nine months *grin*

Kristy – 9.10.04

Thursday
I know how bizarre it is a Thursday and I am online journalling away, well today has just been an exciting day and I think it started because I found a great coffee shop near a National ATM on the way to work. Then I got Admin access to our Intranet and discovered a cgi-bin.. nothing sweeter in my opinion.. hmm except the news that Trogdor is all ok and beautiful. Click the pick for more information on that one Trogdor The Fingerprint. Yes that is the pizza news, I couldn’t hold it in anymore.. and figured sooner or later Trog would need their own website. Look slike it will be sooner or later. But that wasn’t all, went down to Chatswood club tonight and didn’t win a meat tray but did pick up the members draw again. It’s been stuck at 2K for the last couple of weeks and wouldn’t you know it my number got pulled again! How bizarre, someone, somewhere up there is smiling at me!! Gotta pay this luck forward or it will run out no doubt!

Kristy – 7.10.04

Saturday
More time to rant on the weekend, although I have a stack of far more important things to be doing, I can’t help it. I’ve caught David’s bloody cold and have been miserably sick in bed for the last 2 days. The only reason I am online is to aid in the sitting up business so I don’t end up with bed sores and be shipped to some instituion for the obesely depressed and cranky.
I made a chocolate cake. Even though there are very specific times of the day when I can eat chocolate, I still made it. Its sitting in the kitchen laughing at me right now. I can hear its sweet gooey mockery from here. Nothing is satisfying at the moment.. I went out specifically to find and devour a McDonalds Big Breakfast and Pancakes this morning and could not do it. What is the world coming to? I am surrounded by health freaks, vegetarians, gym junkies and nausea. David took a photo of my belly, but it was out of focus so you couldn’t see how truly pale and weird it looks.
I told you about the chocolate cake already.. that is the sum of my long weekend so I wouldn’t worry about having to read anything more from me jsut because I’ll beback here again on Monday.

Kristy – 2.10.04

Sunday today
Wish the weather had been this perfect yesterday. We had my Nan&Pop, Aunty and Cousin over for lunch and it was really nice but it would’ve been nicer if the weather had been this good. Having said that, who is indoors playing on their computer? Its just so sleep-inducing the weather. I can lie out on the futon and drift away the day but we are due to meet Penny and Dave in about an hour for a bit of lunch at Manly.. so I must not sleep. D has a cold or something vaguely messy like that. I guess it has to do with the cold wind and the bbq mishaps of yesterday. Anyway its almost another week, another week closer to our mystery holiday.

Kristy – 29.09.04

lavendar pants

Saturday
have determined that I can restrain myself for another month. This could be because I’ve already told half the world, but nattering away to the pc about it is still not in my definition of the way things should be done. So instead I will talk about plants. I have an amzing sea daisy that juniper loves to eat. Its rambling, it will take over the table that David built, its just so Wuthering Heights. I also have the most beautiful digital camera in the world that we could afford. Well actually David bought it as a suprise for me, so its what he could afford at the time or something. Its a canon digital 300d slr, with all the bits that make you look more professional than you are, the bag, the zoom lenses, the little branded staps.. oh its gorgeous. Anyway why is that relevant to plants andKarla.. well over a year ago, it was my birthday and Karla bought me some lavenar.. knowing full well that it is not a wuthering heights kind of plant and I would probably destroy it within weeks. So the harsh summer and winter have passed through it and now in spring, this miracle plant is still with me. muwhahahah so there you have it.. growing well in the warmth of our balcony. And I am rambling a lot today..like the daisy.

Kristy – 18.09.04

Tuesday
Oh man do I have some news for you. Being of a wholly geek intention my second desire was to rush online and announce my news.. the first was to order pizza. Anyway the thing is protocol dictates that I *can’t* tell you or at least not yet.. and that sux. But like all protocols there is a purpose behind it.. and while annoying has sustained many a cyborg before now.
Suffice to say everything is about to change.. my world, this website, even pizza I feel is going to change shape! I don’t know where to look.. when I open my eyes all I see is new. Hmm D finishes with Optus today.. a few more days and he will be playing the wondercard game at Telstra… he’s not home, can I bring myself to order pizza or can I be happy with tomato soup?

Kristy – 31.08.04

Sunday
click me babyIts only cos I don’t have ssh access from work. That’s why I keep ending up here on a Sunday. In between clothes, cooking and watching my bird eat 20cent pieces I am here. Anyway I haven’t talked much about IKEA. Its the new job, Internet Manager and its weird to be learning new things after such a long time. New ways of working, the wonders of retail and also how damn expensive the greengate is.
I also haven’t talked about my wonderful adventure.. that money I won from the Chatswood club, went on taking my friends out for a day on the harbour, it was all a suprise and the weather *just* held together for us. We had limos and champagne and a bbq of sorts and I am saving up now to go again but this time in summer. The other cool thing is that I didn’t die, not that I suspected I would but then you just never know.
We spent most of this weekend down in Wollongong for my cousins wedding. It was beautiful and the BEST bit of it was that D & I found a shop specialising in English made Doc Martens. Do you KNOW how happy we both were? It was like finding a million bucks lying in the street. We had seriously considered sending someone to England to pick us up a couple of pairs.. and then here was the shop right in the middle of a place we wouldn’t of imagined. The *issue* is that DMs are now made mostly in China and New Zealand..and we are of the opinion the quality sucketh. And we would know.. these shoes are the only shoes we ever wear (unless ordered to wear some other sort on pain of death). So it was a totally brilliant weekend.. even if Juniper has probably come down with money-poisoning.
I am also now recovering from a birthday week… and I can’t see anything on the calendar for the next few weekends so I am going to plant the daffodils David gave me and maybe just maybe teach myself trigonometry.

Kristy – 15.08.04

Sunday
Happy Birthday Kristy! (well close enough is always good enough when there is cake involved don’t you think?). I have a bird on my shoulder, a bumblebee scarf and uggboots. What more to life is there really? Anyway party is going to be on Friday 6th at Montezuma’s in Manly at 7pm. I am going to have a Margarita (at least that’s how they spell it) because they claim it is the second best in the world. I don’t know who has the best.. but I will settle for second best. Things are awfully tangled. I should dye my hair so I can see clearly.

Sunday
My feet are freezing.. I could go get my uggboots on but I can’t really be bothered. My feet will turn into little icypoles and the gremlins that live under my work table will come and eat them.. mm human flavoured icy treat. I don’t write anywhere near enough these days. I chucked a major tantrum the other day because I wanted to write in a paper journal I have and I couldn’t find an artline 200 (I’m worth every bit of the gold in those pens!) Wouldn’t you know something D in his great wisdom had stored one away in a safe place for just this sort of incdent. I was completely prepared to start stomping around the house and slamming doors and then there it was.. just magically appearing in his hands. I’d looked *everywhere* (except where he had hidden it of course) and hadn’t been able to produce a pen.. I mean it has to be those pens because they disguise how poor my handwriting is (nothing can disguise my lack of grammar or creativity). So do you know when you get all worked up for a tantrum and then suddenly there is no reason to have one?? Just a kind of “oh” feeling. That’s how I feel about going to get my uggs on..

Kristy 25.7.04
*Footnote: I know normal adults don’t have tantrums and I am incredibly spoilt.. but I am fostering my inner child ok???

Tuesday
*Gasp* coming up for air.. after a month of absolute drowning.. but in the good way.. is there a good way to drown? I don’t know I’ve heard its like falling asleep or is that freezing to death.. I really can’t remember, just guesses. I have an incredible amount of stuff to go through.. but its like a uni-play in my head.. all weird colours and light and references to pubs. As it stands I am free of Optus and the soul crushing frustration that plagued me there. And I have come to know new frustrations.. have you heard of an email program called Memo for Windows 98? *sigh* it isn’t so bad though. What honestly..truly.. can be bad about a workplace with its own cafe espresso machine huh? Really? I am really missing my computer though.. I kiss it when I get home.. beautiful beast that she is. I want to write so much more but I’m feeling incompetant.

Kristy 13.7.04

Thursday
I am 2 hours away from seeing Harry Potter 3.. this shouldn’t excite me as much as it does, I suspect the really dreadful coffee I had for afternoon tea has something to do with it. Wait for my “review” which will be my first movie review and as I am a complete novice I know nothing about the books or the underlying themes, I just know that its all good fun :)
Hey I have cooked up the best way to spend the money I won at the pub the other week. I’ll tell you more about it after the 26th. Pray for good weather. Speaking of praying, I couldn’t be more blessed lately. Except for the stupid DSL CD Testing, God has been looking my way.. or maybe not looking my way, depends how you see it. All I know is that David and I are really happy and it isn’t our fault.

Kristy 10.6.04

Monday
Well David has left and started anothe rjob already. I have inherited his wirelss keyboard and mouse that are very cool. In addition Nick Coster has also left Optus and at his farewell dinks (take 1) last Thursday night I won the members draw and am gleefully $2K richer. Actually $1800 cos $200 went on the bar.. share the love. I drank softdrink all night and felt so ill the next day that I think I will go back to wine!
What else is news? I am having trouble getting used to this keyboard but it isn’t as bad as David’s new laptop keyboard where the keys are all just a little too short. Nice machine tho. Hmm better go.

Kristy Darby – 31.5.04

Tuesday
Another Tuesday.. but it is better than any other because I have had one majorly long weekend. Ignore the fact that another CD is due or D resigned or I haven’t looked at Protegere in a while.. I’ve just had a long weekend. It started on Friday with drinks at the Chatswood Club. Stupid, wrong, stupid and wrong. I did have a bit of fun though. What time did we get home? Too late I think, we overslept had to catch a cab back to Chatswood to pick up the car, so we could pick up the bird, so we could get back to Curl Curl before heading out for a Harbour Cruise. Hmm remind me to review the Harbour Cruise later. Sunday we raced off to the shops to buy all the things that this bird needs to be a happy fulfilled pet and spent the rest of the afternoon dazed. Last night was Sarah McLachlan that D endured bravely. But it was another late night and the old immune system is struggling. Today is my mum’s birthday! Happy Birthday Mum! Yesterday was Ava’s birthday, Happy Birthday Ava! I am looking forward to going to sleep.. can’t wait. Maybe I will find a nice warm spot on lvl 5, curl up with yet another funcspec that I’ve messed up and attempt to correct it.. I’ll be asleep in no time!

Kristy – 25.05.04

Tuesday
Juniper Tails This is the bird another week on.. pretty cool tail happening now. I’m not sure when I can pick him up yet, he is a little reluctant to end the hand-rearing it seems. *shrug* why am I complicating things? Good news is the latest school of fish are getting along quite well. It is possible to have a siamese fighting fish and guppies in the same tank.. although every website D has gone to about it has emphatically declared the contrary. So my rant today is about how much I hate my job. I think its fair to say that everyone, even those lucky bastards who QA chocolate all day, go through these moments. I feel I should have a career instead of all this stuff that just fills my day. The suits in the coffee shop look like they are filling their day as well.. or maybe they really do love their jobs. All that inane chitchat and salesmanship.. all those people who CARE about things. I care about a great deal right now, but it seems they are all the wrong things. Damn this heavy weight of frustrating logic.

Kristy – 18.05.04

Friday
Juniper RoutesYes only one week to go until I become the proud parent of a hand raised cockatiel baby parrot called Juniper (that would be the picture on the right). I think birds in cages are bad which is why I am not getting a budgie.. Juniper will roam the unit free.. and only go back to his cage to feed or sleep. Or at least that is my noble plan. I am going to prove to my body that I would make a great mum.. and as cockatiels are supposed to live for 15-30 years that’s a lot of proving! Anyway that’s my big adventure. I also have fish. David had a very good idea (I thought) to webcam my fish into a Big Brother Online Series.. we would even do an Uncut version with tiny Madam Lash Siamese Fighting Fish and so on.. could be funny and definitely time wasting.. stay tuned. What do you think? Should I add more photos to my website or what. Certainly fun jumping through pscp.exe to get here. Whatever happened to the good ole days of ftp.

Kristy – 15th May 2004

Monday Again.. what is it? – 10th May
D’s MOTD is pretty cool today. But only look if it is today.. otherwise it might not be cool anymore. I have such news! I have fish that are cannibals and a bird on the way. And don’t think I won’t buy myself little presents on Mother’s Day next year if the critters are still alive. The fish were mostly an accident of circumstance. I was at my nan and pop’s and there was the tank.. and there was the voice in my head saying.. you can set it up.. its not hard.. its not a fax machine.
Anyway I also had a week off… so naturally I contracted some bug that attacked me making my entire holiday kind of pointless. I’d rather be at work sick than at home sick. Socially responsible aren’t I?

Kristy – a stint in motherhood

Monday – 27th April
My long weekend: terribly long. I felt asleep for most of it. I consumed Legally Blonde 2 (with Karla), then Muppet Treasure Island (with David). The next day I survived Reign of Fire (with David) and tested the consensus of “scary” by watching The Ring (David watched most of it but I think he agreed with the consensus). Yesterday I indulged in Frida.. and was completely absorbed.

Friday
Yes this is a diary of sorts but it is also a baffledump..the baffling confusion volcano of my mind spewed out in major chunks..dumped all over the clean landscape of the screen very publicly. The order in which the words are put in which the put are words doesn’t matter too much. I don’t mind anyone reading this especially not the divine miss k.. oh but I have another thought coming on.. today I am suffering a small tear on my heart. You wouldn’t even know it was there except that I am telling you. It doesn’t impede the beat, but I would so like to be rid of it. I really would.

Kristy – one week later

Friday
My thumbs hurt.. too many spaces in the words I write. Must invest in longer words. There is that old chinese story about the traveller who purchases words. I always thought it was just purchasing a fortune telling.. which by the moral of the sotry it was. Wash not your head soacked in oil, wasn’t that how the story went? How could the traveller stand oily hair.. my hair annoys me. I t can never decide whether to be straight or curly. I just wish I could go on a holiday. David reckons we’ll go on a holiday sometime soon. I really need to go away, somewhere very sunny and with warm clear water to swim in. I am so incredibly tired! I can’t believe this, I’ve been jogging every morning now for the last 2 weeks.. I thought exercise was supposed to give you energy? I am falling asleep at my desk. I am pleased though because I setup Apache, MySQL and PHP on my desktop and wrote my first webpage that uses all three. Hopefully I’ll be able to migrate some of my clients onto this platform to be free from the shackles of ASP and Access. This is becoming a bit of a rant. I have a secret but I don’t think I can tell you yet.

Kristy – 16.04.04

Thursday
I read a great quote “We need writers because we need witnesses to this terrifying century”. The quote was from this wonderfully black site I chanced upon this morning but I don’t fancy linking to it because overall it was so full of disdain that I feared for my head which is so easily overwhelmed.
Anyway you need to note that the quote was about writers.. almost desperate, any writers.. all writers.. anyone with the ability to breath out the content of their heads onto paper onto screen. Exercising the connection between heart min dand fingertips.. those people are the ones that are needed to bear witness. And what is a witness, someone who sees something from their own unique point of view.. but you need a lot of witnesses to gain a Gods-eye perspective. Even that might be too much to hope for.. but bring on the writers..let’s have them all tell us about this century we live in.

Kristy – 8.04.04

Wednesday
I really should go see the passion of the christ as my single marking of this easter. Except Mel kind of annoys me these days and I am worried that I am going to be disappointed. Not that I will actually have to _pay_ for my ticket but I’m still sure that it won’t live up to my expectations.
I am rather concerned or is it boredom.. I honestly can’t tell the difference. Anxiety all feels the same. Maybe it is lack of chocolate.

Kristy – 7.04.04

Monday – I must love being me on a Monday
It is occurring to me as I reconstruct my digital playground that I have been maintaining (in the complete absence of a more suitable word) this online journal for some time now. I wonder what will happen to it.. I wonder if it will disappear like that vivid over-exposed self-indulgence I created when I first ironically hid myself in a lab at club mac. That was the best site I have ever built.. in nine years of being unwelcome on the web.

Kristy – 5.04.04

Monday
I’ve been thinking a lot about kristy and I figure that I should’ve become a tattoo artist when I had the chance. It was all there, the contracts with the underworld, the equipment and a fair dollop of talent. Now I am stuck in this bread factory, waiting to get fired for leaving hair in the dough.

Kristy – 22.03.04

Wednesday
Why shouldn’t you love this character..? She fails at everything. Even the simplest things, you can adore her because in comparison you are quite an achievement and at the same time you can pity her because you want an underdog to come out top. It isn’t your fault of course, you’re Australian.
It would help if she were a little attractive, though not in the kind of cinderella with a makeover shocks your pants off kind of way.
I hate that about movies, why does the ugly girl have to be made pretty to win our affection? I’m sorry Baz Luhrmann but you lost my vote right there. Why does the pretty girl have to die of a horrible discgusting disease with just the tiniest trickle of blood contrasting against her japanese opera face? Not fair. I reckon someone with TB would look much worse but then I don’t *know* anything at all.

Kristy – 17.03.04

Friday
have an awful awful cold… a cold of awfully awful proportions and I’m all sick of it. I think the problem is it has been such a long time since I’ve been even remotely sick.. it must be this whole losing weight thing.. you start to lose weight and then you rlose your immune system with it.. all my skinny cousins are always sick. I think fat provides like an immunity.. a coating that no bug can penetrate. Except maybe heart disease.
Anyway I’ve decided to start writing a review column of all the good and all the crappy places I’ve been..starting with Fort Denison and ending with probably somewhere like France because maybe next year we will go to Europe. Speaking of which, saw Penny on the weekend its been like a year since I saw her last. It was cool to see all of her pictures of Europe and wonder with what humour D & I will see those same sights.. whatelse did we do.. started reading Microserfs which I found amongst one of thepiles of books at D’s parents place. Such a strange pile of mixed taste. So the book is really good for somethign written in 1995 when I was still wondering if I could beat Doom II and daydreaming of becoming a hotshot lawyer. I understood that it wouldn’t be like LA Law, but I was simply a queen of mock trials… something about “mocking” appealed to me.

Kristy – 12.03.04

Monday
There is something remarkably good about the first of the month being a Monday. It is probably the only time in the year when a Monday is bearable (other than public holidays). I have a bottle of cold water and a cup of hot water and I am sipping them alternately because I can’t decide. Its all indecision. LIke this dream I had last nigth about these people who were stuck on a rock way out int he ocean and the ocean was huge and they couldn’t swim off te rock to the boat that was sailing by.. and the boat was too big to stop at the rock and the people on the boat were yelling out “swim swim” but the people on the rock couldn’ tpossbly swim because of the waves and the anger of the sea. It was a weird dream.. I wasn’t in the dream but I could feel the hope and despair of the people on the rock and th enthusiasm and the frustration of thos on the boat. Neither were satisfied and as the boat sailed away the dream turned into blackness and I didn’t think anymore about it until just now.
Only one week until we go on our tour of fort denison. We’re also going to Comedy of Errors on Friday night.. kind of a tradition. Ludicrously priced fish and chips at balmoral and a couple of bottles of decent wine to wash down the Shakespeare. I’m sure its not so different to how his plays were experienced originally.

Kristy – 1.03.04

Monday
It’s 6.53am by my work computer clock.. having been in the building since about 6.15am I can honestly say I feel like a days work has been done. I am waiting for something to change in my mind. Right now, I’m seeing black and there is no relief in sight.
Babble not like a pleasant brook with English country stereotypes floating along it.. no, more the kind of babble that is like hot oil as it boils and spits everywhere. I honestly thought there would be some relief.
Oh but I haven’t ranted about the good news. David passed his CCIE.. official notice at 4.30am Wednesday morning. And sleep? Well it seems to have escaped us both and the consequences are quite devastating to me. I was sick most of last night and am contemplating investing in some good old-friendly leeches to clear this ailment. If I fall asleep at my desk today its simply because my heart has gone walkabout. Best not to try to revive me, I’m waiting for something in my head to change… then no doubt spirit will return and I will be again truly here.

Thursday 29th January 2004
Its a long way to the shop if you want a sausage roll.. and that’s probably where I was when the world got passionate about rock and music and grouping it all into clever litte takeaway containers.. and Metallica brings out the visigoths from the hills? hmm I don’ tmind Metallica, I also don’t have problems with Kylie or even Jet for that matter.. what does that make me? Where is my binding box? Its my long standing conflict with fence sitting and why the bible turned it into a negative term.. why being diplomatic refers to politicians and consequently must be bad.. perhaps I do just love a lot less than your average joe.. but its the sky and the air.. they are always obstructing my vision and filling up my day.
Perhaps I love them? Perhaps I am just lonely.
Hmm I haven’t link to anywhere yet.. except David is studying for his CCIE and that is all encompassing and who knows where it ends? I think I need to practise my patience and my cooking and possibly my cleaning.. failing that I will need to become the world’s best totem tennis player. Hmm but given the state of the ball that could be in doubt. I just need a pair of glass slippers!

Kristy – 29.01.04

Wednesday 21st January 2004
I’ve moved! I’m now appearing on page 7 of Google when you enter the single word Kristy and select pages from Australia Try it. Ok I know I still have a long way to go to beat all of those porn stars.. but you know search engine positioning is a marketable skill don’t you? I agree that so is bubblegum manufacturing.. but this preoccupation is far less stretchy… which is a good thing.

Put in the word “baffledump” however and my site is the single search result returned..isn’t any1 else familiar with the term baffledump??

Kristy – 21.01.04

Tuesday 20th January 2004
I am deaf now.. it simply must be a hangover from last years ailments.. but regardless of the origin, this bug has taken to me like paspalum and is seriously affecting my legs. Oh there she goes falling over in the carpark like a bundy and cola can.. without the alcohol of course.
The worst bit about being deaf and dizzy is the whole staying at home thing. I know you must think I’m beyonnd my usual insanity, but I’m not and it is truly the worst thing. It is far more stressful watching the actors stuff up their lines from offstage. If I were there.. well I could make it ok. I feel a major rant coming on so I’ll take it offline *cringe* I hate that wanky corporate term. It isn’t cool you know!
Now I’m concerned with Pamela Stephenson she is currently the wife of Billy Connelly but besides that she is damn funny and a bloody good writer. She is in love with him. its a crucial obsession and a good one apparently. I am bewildered by their total lack of fame, in the same fashion that I am lost to why I need to know what Russell Crowe is up to in a nigh club when his new wife isn’t looking. Anyway, I am not really one for discussion I prefer to rant so I’ll leave all that politics and philosophy to the real writers and artists of the world. Right now I really must get on with the rant I had in mind. ciao

Kristy – 20.01.04

Monday 12th January 2004
It must be time for me to write my great australian novel. I mean I can’t spend my entire life googling my family and friends.. and I certainly can’t spend it producing documents (which is what I producer does apparently). I am sarsaparilled.. which is kind of a liquid form of exasperation.
It’s just that there are so many brilliant writers out there and I am jealous and scared of them all. I am in love with my ideas of grandeur and those impossible dreams in my head but I’m also cowardly and how do you come up with _that_ great idea? Then how do you fill in all the gaps around _that_ great idea to have a story?
What am I 10?
It’s a crawling insect.. this need to write. The need for an audience… and its better than speaking out loud.. where people look at you and judge.. because my voice is certainly not the same sound I hear in my head so it is wrong out loudin the mid morning sun, amongst the bustle of women who like to shop and men who like to work… wrong wrong without punctuation and wrong.

Kristy – 12.01.04

Thursday 8th January 2004
See voila! This is infinitely more blog-like. I’m a bloggerannabe. Its the new year and the currency situation is very pleasing, I might go shopping on ThinkGeek because of this wonderful sense of currency I have. Then again I might save my dosh for our big Australia Day partay that isn’thappening on Australia Day. *sigh*
I think I must go swimming now but I got dumped at the beach yesterday only because I stupidly mistook the sandbank that has formed at Curlie for a safe place to swim.. yuck.. now my spine is out of whack with the rest of my back. I might go bunji jumping to sort it all out.. then again I might just lie on the lounge and watch Point Break yes that feels better.
A note here for my great uncle lionel who died this week a merry man who smoked and drank too much but who seemed to enjoy life… something most health freaks never get around to doing! You guys truly need to lighten up in the non-measurable sense.

Kristy – 8.01.04

Wednesday 7th January 2004
I’m chewing on the water bottle lid literally.. not in anyway metaphorically. This is my new life, the one I sacrified 18hour days for. I am a water bottle lid chewer complete with fascination in plastic poisoning.
Do you believe in the power of prayer? I do. I reckon there is a god, the God if you want to get definite articley about it who hears when our souls tear out in fits of nonsense.

Kristy – 7.01.04

Tuesday 6th January 2004
I’m thinking of a four letter word…

Kristy – 6.01.04

Happy New Year! Monday 5th January 2004
That’s right we are into the year of all years what someone has described as my last year.. but I’m not going to get morose about it. What’s the big deal you are either superstitious or you are not and hiding in a bomb shelter won’t help in any case.
Santa arrived at a dodgey hotel in Kempsey on Christmas morning. He brought david some new shorts and a shirt and he brought me a strong desire to leave as soon as the sun smashed through the flimsy excuse for a window. I am happy to have since learned that the motel was 2.5 stars which means something to someone… but really if you were a 2.5 star drive-thru chapel hotel wouldn’t you strive just a little harder to make that 3rd star.. its just such under achievement.
Anyway (digression being my forte) what was I up to yes.. Christmas day very nice hanging out with the family.. swimming in the pool.. opening presents.. sewing machine? hmm well I will talk about my efforts with that present later. Saw Return of the King on boxing day and I feel inclinded to watch all of the extended versions back to back so I don’t miss anything.. cos something may have been amiss.
What else..yes NYE spent at home with just a handful of incredibly intelligent and beautiful creatures having meaningful discussions about life. Actually haven’t had one of those in a while. You know the ones where your soul seems to bleed out? Guess not. Holiday was entirely good..right up until yesterday when I most foolishly sea-fried my back in the sun when snorkelling.. very much the incredibly stupid thing to do…and while I want to swim again when I get home today.. I might need to wait a few days.. instead I will look at my sewing machine and I will look at the bamboo blinds I installed and think of some new project to sink my Jack Horner thumbs into.

Kristy – 5.01.04

Monday 29th December 2003
It must be loneliness or the dread of doing something I am not going to enjoy but right now I would do ANYTHING for a distraction. To be perfectly honest there is an entire cupboard of linen lying on the floor waiting for me to return it to where it belongs.. why did I do that? Some argument about not enough room to put Christmas stuff.. reorganisation.. but I really should’ve slept today away.. it would’ve been the better option.
Reading emails from work… man there is a lot of crap that we fill our lives with. I’m not feeling phiosophical or angry.. I can’t debate things anymore..so I really ought to ebay that trophy. I am on holidays though.. perhaps that is the problem.. Christmas was lovely though and my parents gave me a sewing machine and a quick lesson in how to feel all the weight of your own skin. I have to go grocery shopping tonight.. supposed to meet D there any minute now. Still hoping and praying for the day when they learn how to clone humans in five minutes… a shakenbake Kristy that can go to the shops.. preferably one that has a little sweet smile to go with it.

Kristy – 29.12.03

Tuesday 23rd December 2003
Cranky.
It’s all just so brutally unfair. Where is justice? Possibly trying to find Wally.. which is incredibly hard witha blindfold on… so I’m to leave judgement to eternity am I? Leave it to the great I am.. well then what do I do right now to make me feel less cranky? I saw this great punching bag that I think I am going to have to buy… problem was that when you hit it it cheered.. not very amusing after round 1 believe me… all I could think was, here is a toy that I would enjoy.. here is a crowd of do-gooders proclaiming that any toy that cheered when you beat it up clearly promotes low self-esteem and the philosophy that hitting things is good..and that in fact the object of the severe wallopping enjoys it.
Its all just really unfair.. are we supposed to spend our lives on the trading floor of the stock exchange.. screaming screaming screaming.. buy buy buy sell sell sell. Thinking important thoughts that aren’t important and aren’t even thoughts (she adds with a dot dot dot to make the point). I know EXACTLY how it is going to be.. and it is ploughing towards me like a shark behind the wheel of a runaway train..
I just wish it would all stop.

Kristy – 23.12.03

Friday 19th December 2003
David says:
u r
kristy says:
no im not
David says:
yes u r
kristy says:
im not
David says:
r too
kristy says:
rnot
David says:
rtoo
David says:
dtoo
kristy says:
rnt
David says:
rt
kristy says:
rn
kristy says:
I win :)

Is it just me or are my msn conversations getting beyond stupid? Time to discover if I have a ganglion or D thinks possibly a scaphoid fracture because apparently he’s had one and that’s what this ugly little bump on my wrist “looks” like. So I have to go and see a doctor who will tell me.. damnit.. who is going to invent a self-diagnosing x-ray flatbed scanner so I just use PayPal to work out what the problem is.. the whole public prodding cermony is humilating. And it just be my year for it.. this will be the second time I’ve had to see a doctor this year (other than those directly related to D). *sigh*
Anyway I’m typing on.. and “come into the confessional, said the preacher to the lie”. I missed Andrew’s wedding.. well not all of it.. but the bits that mattered where you actually “see” the happy couple and congratulate them. Anyway I can’t explain here why or how or anything else.. but I do blame Robbie Williams fans for getting in the way of our Incognito Adventure. Karla is divine and I will never forget that Randwick Pizza.. even after the smell of it has completely left my car (I fancy that is still some time away!). I was meant to show up on a motorbike anyway. I’m sorry for me, not really for the bride and groom because their day couldn’t of been better.. weather, God, love.. flowers I’m sure.

Kristy – 19.12.03

Monday 8th December
It is a bit of a worry that I am not as organised as I should be. I am determined to turn this into a proper blog when I have time and just a tiny drop of interest. Until then, I will fashion my tiny carving in this fencepost and hope that it is never required to hold anything more than lighter than spiderweb type thoughts.
What’s new? well my dear old friend Andrew is getting married this weekend. That is quite extraordinary. I am half inclined to advise Kami, buthen again I think she was only concerned that Tim get married and produce curly red headed children so she could have one. I wonder where she is now? I have a photo of her and Andrew on my wall at work. They were all dressed up and I think it was at the debutante ball because Andrew is in a tux and Kami is looking ridiculously happy…its a great photo.

Oh and one more thing.. the agapanthas are all old women in a salon, they are the blue-rinse set of the neighbours garden.

Kristy – 8.12.03

Sunday 7th December
I am looking forward to watching Sylvia. If only because I missed The Hours and suddenly the universe of movies that I love is fascinated with writers and poets who have easily snuck by my sleeping interest in their art. Perhaps this is the passion I lack? D thinks it is increible laziness and perhaps I will agree to avoid an argument but then again, I just can’t get it out of my head that not knowing where your passion was born doesn’t render you less in love.. does it? Can’t you love something for what it is, how it makes you feel right in this instant.. without needing to find out how much it weighs or what colour it turns at dawn? And it isn’t just music, its also poets and art and anything that can make you feel. Perhaps I am just lazy and without any real passions. So the discoball of intellectuals spins reflecting how in pieces I truly am.

Kristy – 7.12.03

Sunday 18th November
Yeah so I have an infatuation with my journal and my thoughts of late. Its because I’m not sleeping.. just having nightmares that wake me up. This time we were staying in a hotel and a storm of some kind causes the whole building to topple over. What is with these stupid dreams? Freud would hav a field day.. although I’m not sure what a field day is and someone of monkey-less mind might consider looking it up.. but not I.. oh no.
Planning a family get together thingy on the 23rd November. Introduce my brothers to our new kitchen and hopefully get everyone in the water.. although I know they will probably think it is too cold.
Started to have an Eva weekend but we barely made it through the first episode. Its because of the rugby and I think that match was rigged.. I reckon that Howard told the New Zealnders that if they let the wallabies win then he’d order everyone to stop making sheep jokes. My half-hearted patriotism annoys me too.

Kristy – 18.12.03

Finally 14th November
Not any better today. I had another nightmare. This time it was an elevator accident in a crowded school in India. David was killed. I lived but I went a bit mental. I killed 3 policemen who tried to sort out the mess. Instead the teachers of the school and I started labelling and forensicafying (yes its a word) the rubble. No-one was allowed near us. We separated bone from school notes and tied canola flowers to everything we touched.
Something.. something there in the back of my mind like an ulcer. Or maybe it is just life.

Kristy – 14.11.03

Still the 13th November.. maybe 2 hours later
I’m just very annoyed tonight..irritable and cranky and uncomfortable. Clearly something is bothering me and it is stubbornly refusing to expose itself. Stupid nigglingly irritation hiding behind the toilet block of my mind! D is lucky he is absent because I am of the mind to drag this biting little flea of a bug out into the open and beat it senseless in the fashion of pre-mortein days. yes I’m rambling.. *sticks tongue out* like I care if I’m rambling.
Horrible pains in the chest because of these awkward ribs of mine. Maybe I just need a breast reduction cos I’ve certainly chilled out my working life. Maybe I need new ribs.. hmm rib transplant. What is Homer doing in my brain all of a sudden? There is nothing so mediocre as this.. the sun has plopped somewhat without ceremony into the ocean and the tv like the radio at the moment sounds like our council-pickup washing machine used to.
So as this is supposed to be a short journal I need to escape

Kristy – 13.11.03

13th November 2003
Oh man.. tax.. I hate doing it.. its like almost as bad as working out how much my clients owe me and writing invoices and stuff. Iwasn’t designed for that kind of thing. In fact I am certain that piece of my brain was deliberately left out to make room for a couple of strawberries and a monkey. *insert lot’s more grumbling about tax here*
I really do hate it. Anyway life in the label “producer” is a lot nicer than I imagined. I can’t say that it quite fits me.. but take a look at my wardrobe and you’ll note that isn’t something so strange. At least I am home before dark… and I really really love the ocean.. hang-on just going to wander out and stare with content upon it…
Back. Yep I’ve been hanging out by the rock pool avoiding the chirpy little splashes of the children who are completely sure that sharks can’t jump rock walls. Poor innocent babes.. wait til they see JAWS. Actually my friend is a marvel to me, she grew up on the beach.. in fact I think her Dad found her in a sandcastle one night.. anyway she’s mucking around in this rock pool for like 15 minutes completely oblivious to the sharp-edged mind messages I was sending her.. finally they musta sliced through because she hopped out and announced “yeah I forgot how small blue ring octopuses are”.
It’s quite possible the two of us will not survive this summer. She will get lost amongst the grains of sand and a dolphin will mistake me for a large beach ball and push me out to sea.
Suddenly doing my tax seems a relatively easy affair

Kristy – 13.11.03

29th October 2003
Only a few more days.. terrible clock that ticks when you are impatient.. also only a few days til Chelle’s birthday.. time to drag out that 19th birthday bash video we took and lament the lack of vodka in our lives at present.
The cadillac was a grand idea though.
What else is news? David and I turned 6 last Friday and went to see Midsummer Night’s Dream only to discover that we both hate opera and some overpaid designer had thought Shakespeare’s little trifle would play better with a kind of Indian theme (ala BazMark perhaps?) So I had to tolerate Titania with no wings who had some affiliation with the Hindi deity Ganesh.. but deity-knows-what! And all the little fairies were painted pink children in Indian serving garb.. Puck was stolen directly from Disney’s Aladdin and Oberon.. oh let’s not start on his likenes to Dracula on female hormone drugs!

Anyway it was a good laugh and we snuck away from the elderly and gay men who were pretending to enjoy it into a very pleasant Friday night. We hung out at the Marriott for the weekend.. it used to the Renaissance and the name change hasn’t really done a lot for it. We loved the Exec Club Lounge with its strange notion of pre-dinner drinks that lasted 3 hours and included any spirits, champagne wine or beer plus food like cheeses, fruit, lamb cutlets, meatballs, dumplings, olives, dips, breads…but in spite of this gorging we still felt the need to eat somewhere fancy down near the Opera House.. so we paid a fortune for crap Chinese food and a magnificent view.

And what did I get David? (cos naturally he organised all of the lovely adventures just described)… I got him a Mortar and Pestle *hanging head in shame* I thought it was a cool present.. something that may last 6 more years. I guess we will see.

Kristy – 29.10.03

7th October 2003
There is a definite problem in my brain. Like a second hand of a clock that is buried underneath a trailerload of clothes and unwashed towels. I can certainly hear it but digging for it, hmm that’s a problem. What can I tell you? Our lovely Barossa wine one year on isn’t as lovely, we will now be compelled to drink it and pretend it is still lovely. The agony of pretending. Call it the incredible joke of the artsy wannabe who drops phrases and names and places and dreams across the floor all the time not seeing that there is already a mountain of dirty washing there. I’m talking about the sophisticates, those cut-above down-their-nose looking learned somebodys. Clearly they have not read the collected works of inadequacy (an ongoing theory which will never be adequately completed). Where do all those paths end up? Where do all the carefully laid stones lead to? Bring on the RockBiter I say!
There is a substantial amount of anger in my orange cordial. Its not obvious (I like my cordial strong if I have to have it) but it is definitely there. Perhaps that is what is making my head ache and my heart jump? Beatniks off-beat tango of disaster. And if the animals were really here they’d know, I’ve gotta get out of this place.

Kristy – 7.10.03

9th September 2003
You could say that I am a slacker for ignoring my journal for so long.. but then you’d have to EMAIL me or something wouldn’t you? And let’s face it, you don’t really mind if I’m not paying attention to the written word, you’re busy off finding nemo or something.
A lot has happened, including a birthday bash with a suprise from my parents who flew down from Coffs to walk in and “suprise”. My work world has been reshuffled and I am now suffering something called costochondritis which is completely hilarious because it sounds awful, feels awful but is quite harmless so I’m told. Why am I making this thing public? Well because I don’t want to me one of these people that always has something wrong with them. Its a ridiculous thing and I feel so silly that I went to the doctor about it. I can’t even remember the last time I went to the doctor!!!
Oh and we are soon to get a kitchen in which I can dance around to my Saturday Night Juke Box radio show and bump into things (its a very skinny kitchen for my not so skinny bottom!) it will be good to remove the oven from the office where it has sat boxed and bored for the last 8 weeks.
Oh I really hope that a lot of your summer is spent with me. The balcony is sooo beautiful. I also have herbs and fresh rocket and David is intent on having a lan bash out there (which, for the record is FINE with me but I WILL NOT be supplying gfs for all those single gamers and if you don’t like chocolate cookies and popcorn you can bring your own steaks to BBQ). *sigh* I’m excited because my birthday has been and gone which means soon I’ll be busy tracking Santa.

Kristy – 9.9.03

25th June 2003
Do you know something? I am a forgetful piece of work. I would like to think this is not my fault and that there are too many scatter cushions lying pointlessly in my mind for decoration. D tells me that the mind needs to be exercised and you should try to remember things to improve your memory. I think about the sky a lot. I think angels get to take turns at painting the sky and each angel has their own style and technique. The other day I saw a completely clear sky with a single dot of cloud right in the centre. That one was easy to remember, it was completely uncluttered..but also a little dull.
What do you think about the centre of the sky? Its a place unique to each person isn’t it? Right now the centre of my sky is the roof of a very grey office building. I have sincere fears for my aloe vera plant. It was not made for this lifeof tap tap tap clickety tap.

What news? well we move on Saturday. We’ve been renovating our hearts out which has left our souls just a bit tired. Tim and Karla have both been to visit.. which is A Good Thing. Hopefully I will scrape together some kind of party of sorts in amongst the kitchen and bathroom tradesmen. We’ll see won’t we?

Kristy – 25.6.03

2nd June 2003
So yes it has been some months since I last catapulted my head through a PuTTY session and into this journal. If I had a real paper journal it would be well and truly full by now.. but I’m all out and I’m all fussy about such things. Anyway what news? Hmm D&I finally got around to buying a unit..pretty cool place in Curl Curl.. needs a lot of acronyms..but if you take an L a T and a C and mix them up a bit you’ll get what I mean.
See Feb March April and May just flew away while we were consumed with house hunting. I don’t even know what has happened. In spite of that here I am on the brink on this big buying adventure.. and I am wondering about Matrix Reloaded along with everyone else pretty much. It doesn’t make me wonder as much as bubblegum.. but it does make me think about my Philosophy of Vacancy.

*YAWN* I’m going to miss another summer at Harbord.. delicious days on the balcony in the sun with my book and pepsi max. Ooh but I’ll let you know about something, see we had this fridge and this washing machine and we ebayed them on the weekend for a teeny $71 but David said I could use that money for my celebration party on settlement of the new property.. so it looks like it will be me and a case of bacardi breezers or maybe a case of ginger ale.. I want to catalogue what I like because sometimes I forget these things. Today I like mailbu and midori because they remind me of summer. I’m not a huge fan of Tia Maria or Kahlua..they are just like coffee.. may as well have them in coffee. I like scotch but only with ginger ale and I’m not convinced that I prefer Meirlot’s to a good Cab Sav yet.
In addition to this.. I’ve been caught up in Dickens on the ABC of a Sunday night. And now its over and I’m most distressed. I would buy the book, except now I’ve seen the documentary on TV so I don’t think it will work for me in the same way. All I kept thinking was what a truly great and truly ordinary man. Kind of like when I read The Hours and thought, there are so many people in the world that are as confused in their thoughts and vacant as I am…then there are Virginia and Charles.

Kristy – 2.6.03

27 February 2003
We came pretty close to a 30 year commitment this week. Dazzlingly scary, don’t think that buying a house is anywhere as easy as your friends make it out to be.. no matter how much stress they talk about quadruple it. My head hurts. Anyway i was going to link to the house but I’m not now. No point really. Maybe we’ll get a little investment property, something small around Ryde that we can rent out and pay off super quickly. Maybe.
What else is news? I’m a bit sad and I am having a How to Host a Murder party on the 22nd March. We’ll still be at Harbord.. hopefully the smell of rubbish that floats in the balcony doors will have been disappeared by then.
From such heights it feels I have fallen to such depths. I want some new paints.

Kristy – 27.2.03

6 February 2003
Sometimes it takes a long time to work out what you are doing. It’s strange because you may have been doing whatever it is for a very long time without knowing what it is and then it takes even longer to work it out… or my brain is slowing down. I’ve been awfully cranky recently and upset by what seem to be small things to the casual observer but are really just ongoing things that I am still trying to identify. Very few clues I’m afraid. Dummies Guide To Rubbish.
Optus is moving to Chatswood. The exciting part about this is that the time I save by not having to drive to North Ryde will go a little way towards the time I’ll have to spend chugging through Chatswood looking for a carpark. I know there are a lot of pluses to this move, but I was never really good at maths.
Hmm what else, they are STILL working on our building. They’ve botched it up so badly and now they are replacing all the railings and guards with glass ones.. and they’ve convinced the body corporate this will speed things up and they will now finish by March. Yeah right! That makes me cranky too cos the house is really dusty all of the time and I can’t hear myself type. I love that clickety clackety sound :)

Kristy – 6.2.03

20 January 2003
Patterns in the sky pretty much moving in a way I don’t want to understand, moving all the same. Wish I could fly sometimes and then other times I know I am probably afraid of heights. Sometimes when I type it takes a while for the words, the worlds, to catch up. When do you really need someone the most? In trouble or in joy? When is it most important to be the best you can be? Always? But what if always is too hard? What then?
I haven’t flown the Christmas kite yet but then I haven’t used the Christmas fishing rod either. A lot of things haven’t been done.. yet. But I think about them always and ever.. wondering when I will have them done and they will be a history made. S&G are in my ears telling me that a rock has no home. But I bet it has a history. Hmm this is a rather muddled entry today. Mondays are always bad…Garfield tells me so.

Kristy – 20.1.03

2 January 2003
*Yawn* I’m still tired and I’ve had 2 days to recover. I really stuffed up my Christmas. I left the whole present thing too late and the gifts I made were dodgey and mishapen. Kind of like my head feels right now. I also should’ve elected to take my annual leave accrued over the holiday period and waste the days on the beach instead of rushing home for this party and that party. My biggest suprise was that everyone ate the food I cooked on NYE and that I couldn’t stay awake to watch the sunrise with the others. Apparently it wasn’t a big deal, a bit grey.
I miss my friends so much on NYE, and I always have. I think Chelle was on duty when I called her this year.. probably not very good of me. Karla called and that was important and I’m pretty sure I had a big blubber about it all to my mum. We burnt a lot of sparklers and other bright colourful things and there were walks on the beach and long conversations about things that seemed important and probably aren’t.

I didn’t make any real new years resolutions.. I opened a scary fortune cookie and decided I shouldn’t play that game with myself. We drank some Absinth that Pete brought along.. he went homethough with almost a full bottle, lethal stuff. It has terribly romantic connotations though, all these poets and actors and famous dead people drank the stuff so it was worth a try. But like anything consumed by famous dead people.. it probably isn’t right for the living. STC had his Opium and wrote my most favourite poem in all of verse but I’m not about to get into Opium… that’s just stupid… it still will hold a beautiful idea in my head though for that reason.

Oh and Manny drank a whole bottle of Absinth on black books and he thought he was a SAS commando oh and then Obi Wan drank Abinth at the Moulin Rouge and Kylie Minogue came out of the bottle. None of this happened to us.. it just burnt our throats like hell and didn’t mix well with Champagne at all!

Oh and then I hurt my wrist and I’m trying to work out what hurts more typing or doing nothing with it..typing hurts a lot but atleast I’m not thinking about it. When I lie down itkind of throbs wildly and I can’t think of anything else. David wants me to go to the doctor but I’m hoping if I sleep on it strangely tonight the pain may go away. Hmm all terribly fashionable petshopboy or isn’t it?
Bring on 2003.. I’m ready and crippled for it :)

Kristy – 2.1.03

18 December 2002
Man time flies when you’re really busy. This month so far has had a nightmarish quality culminating in many late nights and way too mcuh cheese. Optus Christmas party was pretty damn good, with Karla, David and I clearly taking out the prize for most money spent! It was certainly worth it though. Dresses, Tux, hair, makeup, even had the old nails done. Don’t you love going to the hairdresses who sighs and says “it’s been a while since you’ve been isn’t it?” Does it REALLY matter? Do they say that to everyone just to drum up business? Does ANYONE go to the hairdresser regularly? — freaks!

Next celebration was an ex-Excite Marketing get to together at the Slip Inn. Wasn’t too bad, caught up with my old bosses Michelle and Caroline. Caroline now works for NetGuide and has offered me the chance to write for the magazine part time. Not a bad opportunity. Unfortunately due to David’s Suprise Birthday and HARDLY ANY SLEEP, I don’t think what I produced will pass go. Not to worry, the suprise party was also, definitely worth it.

Hmm apart from that I’m trying to get into the frantic rhythm of Christmas..which is eternally stupid considering it is the one time of year we’re supposed to be relaxing. Oh well.. for some good champagne and a couple of fortune cookies there is little I won’t do.. bring on New Years Eve 2002!

Kristy – 18.12.02

7 November 2002
There are workmen making a lot of noise outside, apparently our building is getting some great overhaul. It’s very annoying. David and I have been spending the evenings walking along the beach. Avoiding miniscule jelly fish strung out on the tideline like tiny diamonds and slowly collecting the seed pods from the grasses that grow on the beach to make christmas decorations out of.

Summer makes me smile inside.

Kristy – 7.11.02

27 October 2002
Man what a pile of emotional laundry days I’ve been having. I’m incredibly frustrated by this year. Nothing seems to have worked out right, there was a time for instance when I was cooking extemely yummo things.. now I start with all the ferocious enthusiasm but half through I give up.. can’t be bothered, and the result is as bad as burnt rice because it isn’t brilliance, it isn’t average and it isn’t awful.. it just isn’t anything. At least I clean up quickly.. don’t want the dirty pots with my failure smeared all over them sitting out.

This week David and I turned 5. It’s pretty cool going out with someone for longer than some marriages last.. of course we haven’t survived the 7 year itch yet…all these things to look forward to.

David gave me a pair of diving fins as a pressy along with some flowers and we went out to dinner.. but the food was worse than any disaster I’ve painstakingly conjured up. I’m very excited by the fins.. can’t wait to try them but as my luck had it this weekend was windy rough and cold. Did get to catch up with Chelle, Trina and Karla though at Newport Arms.. Chelle is 25 on the 31st October so we thought we’d do a bit fo drinking in her honour.

I’m also trying to make her a cool tattoo but like everything else I just seem not to be able to get my act together.

Hmm on an interesting note..my feet have grown. I thought I was supposed to stop growing now and get smaller and smaller and crooked and grey…but my feet, particularly disobedient to nature have grown.

Ohh and My great aunt Euni turned 100 on Saturday in Binnaway. That’s my mum’s mum’s aunt. Women seem to last a long time in my family…it must be because we can’t ever just let things be.. we have to have one more thing to say.

Kristy – 27.10.02

4 October 2002
And so we’re back from outer space…
It wasn’t that bad to be honest. Best place we stayed in was Georgies Cottage in Penola, South Australia. If you ever want to go and do the Coonawarra wineries (which we didn’t) I highly recommend this joint. It was better than any review I read online…we didn’t want to leave…so please ignore the claw marks in the door.

Kristy – 4.10.02

17 September 2002
Muwhahahah yes 45minutes and counting then we’re off into the blue.. or grey as the case is this Sydney morning. Our plane takes off at 10am..and we’re doing the shuttle thing from home to the airport cos there was just no way I could handle a slow ferry all the way there. We get picked up at Melbourne airport by a chauffeur and taken to the Grand Hotel Melbourne which looks pretty cool. David has organised a “haunted“tour of melbourne for saturday night and of course we’re going to do any wanky tourist thing we can find to do. My cousin has a shop down there so will probably call in as well. Hope to send you an update from somewhere on the road…love yas :)

Kristy – 17.9.02

5 September 2002
Incidentally, if any of this is depressing.. its only because I fail to include the usual emoticons common to life on the web. I’m sorry for this but there are pills for depression, it is not something that has to be endured anymore.
Anyway it’s time to talk about the weather.. very warm today. Beautiful beach weather, lot’s of sunburners down on the beach turning prawn pink. I keep seeing a big hand reach down from the clouds and pluck one of them from the sand..strip off the shell and then a kind of slurping crunching sound.. or it could just be my imagination.
I dreamt about the Witches of Eastwick last night.. I dreamt it was crap and David hated it. I’m really starting to fill the need for a party.. party party..maybe a 1st of December party…or that might be too far away. I’ll keep thinking about it.

Kristy – 5.9.02

2 September 2002
Had a pretty decent weekend..won a meat tray at The Steyne Hotel and that was pretty cool. Managed to catch up with Penny, Karla and Sarah all in one afternoon!
Sunday was good too went and visited my brother in his new swanky house..completely depressed chocolate cake experience but nevertheless a good day. Decided to pick a daffodil and bring it to work with. Have so far considered scanning it..pressing it and eating it..must be lunchtime.

Kristy – 2.9.02

31 August 2002
Completely fallen off the wagon you know… had wine with Karla a few weeks ago and beer last night..(again with Karla) but yesterday I was just feeling pretty down. I did almost everything wrong all day. I’m feeling like I’m a terrible person..possibly because I just finished the Godfather and I did so selfishly in the bathtub and wouldn’t get out to make dinner. Karla has lent me (well I ordered her to) The Salmon of Doubt. And maybe that will cheer me up.. but as reading Hitchikers Guide constituted a period that has been one of the most happiest in my life..I may just get depressed. I just miss. I’m pining. This is what depriving a solid girl of a healthy portion of chocolate each day does to her!
And tomorrow is SPRING! I should be springing through the house. I will say one thing though..the daffodils I planted are paying me some joy..3 bright yellow smiles so far and growing.. I have them in pots so I can bring them inside…if I get technological I’ll scan the photos I took of them and put the photos here so I can have smiles wherever I am.

Kristy – 31.8.02

22 August 2002
Yawn.. I don’t really enjoy walking in the afternoon…so I attempt to find something special and imagine it has been put in my way just to make the walk worthwhile. This afternoon it was some kind of small sea hawk that had taken residence amongst the 5pm chatterer sparrows on the powerlines along curl curl beach. So serenely did this hawk tolerate the noise that I believed it like me had only come out to watch the sunset and cared for nothing else.
There were also a pecking of pelicans getting their pads filthy in the muck of run-off that forms a creek at the north end of the beach. Pelicans are just seriously disturbed gentleman even their young are awkward (probably born with the knowledge they will grow up to quabble like the rich over the last cigar, only in their case, its a critter sunk deep in a slosh of polluted mud).
I guess I’m having a flighty day cos I also want to talk about pigeons. Pigeons have nested and had young in the stand of the BBQ on the balcony of the unit opposite us. We’ve decided the mother is self-centred and neglects the children while the father is off shagging some other bird and the people who own the BBQ will get a nice suprise next time they turn it on.
As for our lorikeets…we have boosted their dosage and they are now serious addicts. We think that we may be able to get them to kill on command for the honey but so far we haven’t begun full-scale experiments. I’ll keep you posted.

Kristy – 22.8.02

19 August 2002
Happy Birthday Kim! Note need to update date of birth section to include all family and friends cos I’ve been a complete slack arse when it comes to these things. Today wasn’t a horrible day, and for a Monday that says a lot. I’ve started reading The Godfather and have found it to be raunchy in a very fumbling large Italian with a gun kind of way. Mind you I’m finding it hard to really get into the story because I think the timing on the Warringah freeway lights has been changed which doesn’t give me 5minute of peaceful reading before someone is honking at me.
Work is ok..Im proud to say that giving up my morning cup of coffee has led to my keyboard feeling a lot safer..although this morning when I knocked over a cup full of water onto its keys..it threatened to strike until I give up all morning beverages. I just need a world that is safe from my carelessness. On the good side I haven’t burnt or cut myself this week and have begun the perilous journey of trying to get fit once again… damnit I wish my brownies tasted really bad and gave me chickenpox when I ate them! All such recipes can be forwarded to my email account and I’ll experiment.
I really need to watch Heathers and stop hanging around ebay so much.

Kristy – 19.8.02

12 August 2002
When did I ever say I was good at keeping things up to date? It’s just that I don’t have any news and my head is all the wrong colour this week. I mean what screwed up station would go and put Ally on at 9.30 on a Monday night? What happened to 8.30? Oh that’s right.. 24 which overall is the best new show on tv in ages. Speaking of tv.. it really hits hard when you’re sick…I mean when I was a little kid and got to stay home from school if I was *really* sick Mum and Dad would bring the “little” tv into my room so I would stay in bed and rest…I think I’d die of exhaustion before being able to move our tv.. and supposing I could move it..I’d get a headache before being able to work out how to tune the thing… you need more than a BA for that I’m afraid.
I might back the front page into a news page.. cos I’m not thinking enough. I hate thinking anyway… where is everyone??

Kristy – 12.8.02

4 August 2002
I had a great birthday…in spite of myself and all those dreams! I rank the best bit as rollerskating at Castle Hill.. It’s amazing what 15 years does the human body and how the mind fails to comprehend these changes. Suffice to say if we hadn’t been kicked out only an hour after arriving I woulda been doing all the tricks I knew as a kid.
Thinking about the Great Ocean Road now and places to visit and where to stay. So far we’ve got Melbourne, Port Fairy, Penola (Coonawarra), Kingston and Adelaide. Kingston I’m keen on because there is a giant lobster there called Larry and having grown up with the Big Banana I almost feel it is my duty to go and pay homage to the giant crustacean. They also have a pub that sells schnitzel. Basically they will schnitzel any meat you want and then you have a stack of toppings to choose from. Sounds like a place for David and I to go and drink beer in!
I’m really bored and cold now. I got the Black Books Series 1 DVD for my birthday along with Harry Potter DVD so I reckon I’ll be snuggling up and watching some of that tonight. I hate that tomorrow is Monday and that I can’t waste time with this site when I’m busy wasting time on worse sites at work.

Kristy – 4.8.02

24 July 2002
Well that’s that.. our Germany adventure is on hold for this year. Any suggestions on how we can spend our 4 weeks annual leave? I think I liked the websites I visited to learn about Germany and possible places to stay.. about 90% of them offered translation into English. So they made up in functionality what they lacked in design.. why is this starting to sound like a car commercial?
Trying to get my blood pressure down a bit.. that means I have to do some exercise..and apparently yelling at marketing gits doesn’t count. Whose to know these things!? Exercise muchly suxeth and suxeth is a perfectly good word to describe it..might even add it to the dictionary. Anyway this is my spot in the world to complain.. something about grasshoppers and a large pot comes to mind.

Kristy – 24.7.02


20 July 2002

It’s a beautiful Saturday @ Harbord. Almost warm enough to be another time of year…there is a couple who always have their morning cup of coffee sitting on the steps below our unit. He looks older than her..I think they drink coffee and do a daily devotion with their bible and a packet of biscuits.. sometimes toast is involved but rarely. They look worn out… like they’ve lived a lot and now just want to sit down.
I wonder about them a lot. Are they reformed drug addicts? Do they have children? What do they do all day long and do they look to their mornings slumped on the cold concrete in front of the beach with anticipation? Why don’t they go and get a blanket! it just doesn’t make sense to me..but there they are again and again!

Kristy – 20.7.02

18 July 2002
Did you know that my diary is full and has been for about 2 months so no wI have to go in search of another one or face the terrifying propest that I may have nothing left to say.
I have led a very charmed life, some people disagree with me, they look at me and disagree with me..but it is true. Very few people hate me. Sometimes I�m amongst them, sometimes I�m not.
The world is spinning too quickly. All my ideas of what is still left to do are summounting and what I have done looks pitifully small in comparison. I�m afraid I don�t know much about me any more..but that�s like a piece of driftwood on the water isn�t it? Have you ever read what the magazines say fulfillment is? Have I ever fallen for that ageless lie? That what I need is to go out there and find myself but I never ever seem to have the time.
Remember that song? Who sang it? The same girl that sets the stereo to 23 to block out her lack of confidence and sings at the top of lungs thinking about how stupid she looks? I don�t know where my flute is for sure. I guess it�s in my chest with everything else dead and buried.. just waiting for Future Me to dig it up and decode it.

I don�t have a point.

But why is a point necessary? Can you name 6 stream of consciousness writers? Can you? I can�t.. and that�s the point.. all stories have to have a point.

My life is one ongoing debate or one ongoing submission. Is that how it is supposed to be..one day I�d like to win.. for real.. not a forfeit an actual win. I just don� thave the passion for it anymore.. I sold it to pay off my credit card.

TS ELLIOT, ELLIOT. ET PHONE Kristy – stardate 18.7.02

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