In the darkest hour before the dawn
When the coldest of the night pours into your head
A deadly fluid of people and places
Of all that was heard and all that was said.
And while you sleep, this nightmare rots
The tender roots of a happier time
Leaving a desert that on waking
Burns behind your tired eyes
Here it is all bloody and torn
This piece of my heart
And I could have sworn you were there
The day it ripped free
I could’ve sworn you were there
Looking through me
Perhaps you felt something
Or maybe you were silently, courageously
Planning that mistake
By which we would know our end
Perhaps I was alone
The day it was clawed away.
Do I take this step, this Indiana leap
I’ve spent these years thinking over?
Do I dare the drop and the gasp?
Can anyone do these deeds sober?
In their mind and determined in nature
Or is it just a daydream?
A complete nomencalture
Of my own well-worn fantasy.
Of my own making
Well smoothed by hands that create
And erode without taking
Another second of thought.
But I tell you, who writes the rules
That determine how far I’ll fall?
If my faith is groundless
What purpose have I?
What Truth is there at all.
Lies and more lies until there is nothing more.
Black black river
Is it blood that flows so slowly along that rut?
What of it?
Are you aware that those aren’t eyes
Staring you down?
Those are the tiny prisms of hell
Spinning you around around and down
Into the rut
Am I the one doing this?
Am I the one upside down?
A beautiful tree I loved
Grey and crooked and dead
It had no leaves to whisper with
Still its voice would fill my head
Its branches were all twisted
It looked neglected and unkind
This tree it had no pity
As it scratched upon my mind
Until I forgot my name
And no longer could I see
Still it kept on kissing
Destroying all of me
They found me wholly souless
When they came upon the tree
Still clinging to its trunk
For all eternity
And so it is with love
Blind to every fault
In the object of affection
Who launches their assault
Who has mind to leave
That has already given over
Their hopes and dreams forever
To their eternal lover
How does pain subside
When its caught up in the branches
Of all you wanted to know
And your many forgiving chances
Not every love is consuming
Not every man this way
But I can’t unfix my eyes
From the love I see today.
Epic stories and poetry
To the trees they go so clean
As if the faery queen herself
Had carefully placed them there
And no man is left so empty
That he can not find a way
Back trhough this forest of words
To the truth in the fledgling day
When a girl sat staring through
A dense spirit or was it glass?
And saw her dream-life unfolding
As her real life drifted past
Unnoticed did it go hidden in the lies
Until it shone the brightest
Like a sun before it dies
Even then she could not heed it
Or bring it to the fore
For her eyes were firmly fixed
On that window and that door
Through which she hoped to speed
With mediocrity at her heel
And her real life it was gone
Leaving something much more cruel
And even Titania’s wings
Full of sheen and light
Won’t fly this girl’s tale
Into safe branches for the night
So stand up now young traveller
There is a way straight out of here
Don’t waste a second on more words
That will trap you in your fears.
I see a new sun rising
And flowers mark your way
Go forward while you have the chance
Take heed of every day.
I want to write what my heart says
But how can I ever translate
Death and duty and deceit and love
and power and poverty and strife
And the pain of almost living
Of folly and mistake
Of dreaming and hoping for rescue
And of rescues come too late
Flowing over and over forever
In the whimsy of tempers unleashed
In the arms of selfish lovers
With death and strife and deceit
And the joy of almost dying
The blackness closing in
Pandora’s burnt soul is flying
Mine is just brandishing
A sword of heavy satin
A knife with perfumed blade
Wishing forever to have left this place
And cursing my prayer to stay