This morning I swam in the deep ocean that closes around me sometimes. The last day of my holiday and I had planned an adventure to try to hold back this dark tide. Long promised and today I would fulfill it, and yet there I was, swimming through unclear waters, wondering.
Then across the ocean, I heard a sound. It was a beautiful sound, and I knew it at once but it was so far away. I frantically, no crazily, no desperately swam towards it. The sound didn’t disappear, it got stronger and on the power of it alone, I completed my adventure and by the end of the day I knew that my soul had danced to that sound.
So rare, so wonderful, like friendships.
From the simplest unexpected ping hello to the sharing of coffee and cheesecake. Friendships that last for years and travel like music over all the waves in my life.
And so it starts all over again. The change and spin and upward stalk towards knowledge I don’t yet hold. What will it feel like? Will it be a loud rambunctious thing that is difficult to avoid and will it come to me like a slippery baby all noise and fear? I have yet to start my career and yet I have had a career for over ten years. This time I move back into the corporate world I have been outside of for so long. I am hoping for security. I want the means to do better things. I can be patient, I can be process-oriented. But I want a new groove and time for myself because I have still have so much to learn.
The last three months have been in what Dr Seuss calls a most useless place, the waiting place. Waiting for a better break. I hadn’t been given the ok to just be a mum and I hadn’t been given any job offers worth considering. So I was just waiting – not really able to let go, not really about to go forward. I became the queen of the waiting place and made a vegetable garden, researched chickens and applied for jobs that offered the tiniest opportunity for growth and sustainability.
Now that time has ended, that place wasn’t for me. Somehow I’ve escaped that place and I’m off to move mountains. Or more likely just move myself in the direction of learning and achievement once more. What will it be like? Will it be too tiny to mention? Will it disappear like silence does when you dare to whisper about it? I find it strange that the moment I talked about luck on this blog, my luck came to an end. Now I unscientifically will test if talking about hope will also lead to its destruction.
I start on the 24th – so please wish me luck :)