Moar Meat

I am about a month into my epic plan to lose 30kg. I’ve been a “good girl” and stuck to the diet and exercised my little heart out and am so far down about 5kg. I say about, because the trainer I’m working with says “scales are crap” and I should “put them in the bin”. Instead she recommended I go and have a DXA scan done. This total body scan pretty much tells you what you’re made of, head to toe. It skips the soul, thankfully, but everything else is laid out for you in black and white.

To get to this point however you have to lay fully clothed on a table, while a machine passes over you for about 6 minutes. Enough time, to share your concerns with the consultant and what steps you are taking to address these. Oh that’s apart from paying the fee to have the conversation in the first place.

Then it appears on screen – your full body scan – every bone in your body and every large pillow of blubber that it rests in. Oh my.

In my case, I learnt that I am stronger than the average woman with a lot more lean muscle than I gave myself credit for. I’ve decided this comes from all those years of carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. And even though my vitamin D levels are seriously low, it seems my skeleton is in good condition, no early signs of osteo.

The non-muscle, non-organ, non-skeletal, non-water stuff that’s left – well that would be the fat and yes I have far too much for my frame. Far far far far too much. Not exactly a suprise. Still it was interesting to understand the distribution, how each leg compares, how each arm compares and just how incredibly dense my head is :)

The challenging part now comes in the form of diet adjustments. My resting metabolic rate is 1602 calories per day. That’s how much energy I need to just function. On my current food intake I can barely make 1000 calories a day since cutting out carbs. I’ve been tracking all of this through Calorie King¬†and it cleverly breaks down the nutrients of everything I’m consuming so I can see what percentage of Fat, Protein and Carbohydrate makes up my daily food.

According to the DXA guy, I have to consume 140gm protein, 80gm fat and 80gm carb per day to give my body exactly what it needs to function. Failure to do so or to meet my calorie requirements will lead to the body going into starvation mode and weight loss less likely.

Oh the science of it all.

Still, I have to keep in mind at all times why I am doing this. It could be to fit into that dress I used to wear, but it isn’t. It could be because I want to avoid diabetes and/or a lifetime of medication, yeah it could be, but it isn’t. It could be because I just want to eat moarrrrr meat! (but it isn’t that either).

I have to keep in mind that I am doing this, because I actually want to be healthy. I want to be able to have more kids. I want to be able to play with them and I want to stop being a victim of my own self-hatred.

And I want to swim, swim, swim.

 

 

 

 

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Going to war

Talk about a crap year. If you’ve read any of my posts this year – you’d know it’s been a crap year. This last month or so has been particularly difficult.

I’ve once again returned to a state where I can’t have children. I should be grateful I’ve got 2 already.. but I’m greedy and I was thinking another one would be achievable. Apparently not. My ovaries have warped into rambutanesque monsters threatening me with everything from nasty mood swings and harder-to-fight-than-ever depressions right through to deathly doom and ovarian cancer.

Well I am tired of it.

I am tired of being a victim. In fact I’m tried of everything.

That’s probably due to vitamin d levels lower than an eskimo in winter. And according to the doctor, that lack of vitamin D has somehow contributed to insulin resistance – excessive weight gain and now full on polycystic ovary syndrome.

So screw being a victim I say as I chug down on my vitamin d slurpee and sms the personal trainer. I’ve got 32kg to lose, 15 of that *must* come off before Dec 1st or I will have to go on medication permanently and like hell I’m going to let that happen.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Powerup.

Power #fail.

A simple fall in the carpark and now I have the opposite ankle busted up and I feel like it is Jan 8 all over again.

Except this time, I know I’ve just lost a random inconsequential battle – I have not yet lost the war.

 

 

Speaking of the fat lady

I have been tempted this week to start a new blog – an anonymouse blog – where I grapple with the idea that I have 3 short months to lose a third of my body weight… but nothing has happen. I am too lazy. Probably why I am in this position in the first place.

So I guess for the next three months if I do come and write here, you will most likely suffer the whinges and whines and hopefully some wins from that weight loss mandate.

Time for more vitamin D.