Slowly but surely or even unsurely. Last week I supplemented the incredible volume of advice and assistance I’ve been getting with a dedicated dietician. Lovely as she was, her angle was too obtuse which is funny given enough meaning. Anyway she wanted to treat the whole person instead of simply treating the overweight part. My issue with this approach was just that unless you have the eyes of a bird, a birds eye view can be a bit blurry. So I left her consulting room feeling more anxious, stressed & confused than when I went in. Must’ve been all that incorrectly applied pop psychology.
Forever fearful of confrontation and the ridicule awaiting my incomplete thinking on almost everything, I know I will continue to see this woman. But if she brings up meditation and tofu, I’m calling in Chuck Norris!
I have one observation today about this whole get-healthy thing I’m doing – and that is the power (or placebo) that is the vitamin D I’m taking.
I’ve been told to take 3000-4000U daily of liquid vitamin D to bring my levels up to normal and theoretically trigger a whole stack of improvements in my health. Well I haven’t noticed anything that couldn’t be attributed to the diet/exercise I’m doing. Oh except for one thing.
For the last fortnight I’ve pretty much neglected the daily dose. I was probably busy. I was probably thinking it wouldn’t matter. I was probably staring at the ceiling. The result of all of this probably was a considerably darkened mood. For the first time in some time I was on the edge. I uttered the inconsolable cry “I don’t know *why* I feel so angry & sad, I just do”. No rhyme, no reason – or maybe there was a rhyme and a reason after all? Although I’m not sure what the rhyme part would be exactly.
I took the vitamin D bottle back out of the kitchen and put it on my bedside table where it could glare at me every morning. This seems to have done the trick as the saying goes. I’ve taken my daily dose since Friday and am already feeling lighter. Remarkably lighter in mood, if not in weight just yet.
It is so hard to balance, and yet people do. Sure they are gymnasts, but they train to achieve balance. Then there are others who just guess, an extra bit here, a little less there and eventually they achieve the balance they need. The more I read about the human body, the more I see how important balance is. It seems impossible to correct one aspect of your system, without impacting another and while we can train train train to perfect that balance, more often than not, it is just guess work.
Thinking away from biology just briefly to those who strive for balance in their lives more generally, I can’t help but wonder if that is just sheer fluke as well. Or perhaps it isn’t luck at all but a compromise called the middle road. At the end of that road, will those who walked it, turn back and say “there was a well balanced life” ? Perhaps they will regret every time they had to give more or take more to make things even out. In the deep folds of a too comfortable couch they will watch again the story of the lovers who risk all for love or the man who takes everything to extreme or the woman who dared to believe and they will sigh that low long sigh of acceptance. This balance achieved, a compromise, a fortress against which dreams are shattered. A place where the brightest light and the darkest night can never penetrate.
Yet there, they were safe and some would argue, in that balance, achieved what some of us pray for every day of our lives.
So here I am, trying so very hard to balance. Trying even harder to believe, it is worth it.